Jedan mladi katolicki svestenik bio je toliko nervozan da pre svoje prve
mise nije mogao ni rec progovoriti pa upita biskupa za savet. Ovaj mu
rece da sledeci put popije casu vode sa 2 kapljice votke i odmah ce se
osecati slobodnije. Posle toga, svestenik se osecao tako dobro da ga
vise nista nije moglo uznemiriti. Medjutim, u povratku sa mise pronadje
sledecu ceduljicu od biskupa...
"Postovani svestenice, sledeci put stavite nekoliko kapljica votke u
vodu a ne obratno. Osim toga, evo jos nekoliko saveta kako se neki
ispadi ne bi ponovili:
1. Nije potrebno stavljati kriske limuna na ivicu pehara.
2. Ne oslanjajte se vise na statuu blazene device Marije, ne grlite je i
ne ljubite.
3. Postoji 10 zapovesti a ne 12, 12 apostola a ne 7. Nijedan od njih
nije bio patuljak.
4. Isusa i njegove ucenike ne zovemo "I.H. i kompanija".
5. David je pobedio Golijata prackom i kamenom, nije ga umlatio i prosuo
mu mozak.
6. Judu ne nazivamo kurvinim sinom.
7. Papu ne moramo zvati El Padrino.
8. Bin Laden nema nikakve veze sa Isusovom smrti.
9. Hostija nije grickalica uz vino vec za vernike.
10. Gresnici idu u pakao a ne u p.m.
11. Onaj u uglu pored zbora, kojeg ste nazvali pederom, kontrasem i
transvestitom u suknji, bio sam ja."
:|
:| :| :| :|
:| :| :|
:| :|
:evil:
paj sta su pravi ateisticki-antiklerikalni vicovi:
I was not raised to be very religious, but my brother and I had a very religious, fundamentalist uncle. We visited him one weekend. In the morning, my uncle asked my brother what he wanted to eat. My brother said, "I'll have some of them god-damned corn flakes." Well my religious uncle led him into the bathroom, whipped him with his belt thirty times, and said "you're going to be locked in the bathroom the whole day, no breakfast, no lunch, no dinner." He came back to me and said, "What would you like to have for breakfast?" I said, "I don't know, but I sure don't want any of them god-damned corn flakes!"
A guy came to a Catholic priest's confessional and said, "Father, forgive me, I made love to three different women last night." The priest said, "Well say a hundred Hail Marys and wash yourself in the holy-water."
The guy says, "No, I don't have to do that, I'm not Catholic."
The priest says, "Why are you telling me for?" The guy says, "I'm telling everyone!"
There was this guy who was going golfing, He was an Atheist, and he was golfing with a very religious friend. He was a terrible golfer. He kept missing the ball, and he'd thrown one off into the rough and said "God-damn it, missed!" His religious friend said, "You better watch your tongue, because the Lord can strike you down with a bolt of lightening if you talk like that." The Atheist, on the next hole missed a really easy putt and he said "God-damn it, missed!" And his religious friend admonished him again, "Don't do that, the Lord will strike you down with a bolt of lightening." The Atheist, again on the next hole, swung at the ball and missed it completely. "God-damn it! Missed!" This time, this was enough. Out from the sky a bolt of lightening comes down, striking down the religious guy. Then there is a big voice from the sky: "God-damn it! Missed!"
:|
:evil: :evil:
:evil: :evil: :evil:
:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:
ne ne momci, gresite. ovo je pravi antiklerikalizam:
One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said "Closed for Remodeling". One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. He said, "What are you doing here! No one is supposed to be here! We are closed for the weekend for remodeling!"
The one nun said, "Well, were're dead and we can't go back." "Alright," said St. Peter. "What we are going to do is send you back for the weekend as whoever you wish to be and then we'll accept you back into Heaven," exclaimed St. Peter as he looks at the first nun.
"Okay, who do you want to be?" he asks the nun. "Well, I thought her life was very interesting especially since she gave her life to God, so I want to be Joan of Arc."
BOOM!!!
The first nun becomes Joan of Arc. "Okay, You're next," as her looks at the second nun, "Who do you want to be?" "! ! Well, I thought her life was very interesting and she died a tragic death, so I want to become Marilyn Monroe," pronounces the second nun.
BOOM!!!
The second nun becomes Marilyn Monroe. "Okay, who do you want to be?" St. Peter saya to the third nun. "I want to be Alice Kapipelean." "Excuse me?!?" confusingly asks St. Peter. "I want to be Alice Kapipelean!" exclaimes the nun. St. Peter replies, "Pardon me Sister, we have no record of any Alice Kapipelean being on earth," explains St. Peter.
"There is TOO an Alice Kapipelean and I have proof right HERE!!!" shouts the nun. St. Peter takes the news article and read it. "Oh my, Sister. You have misread this article. This article says that the Alaska Pipeline was laid by 500 men in six months." :evil:
NOVOGOVOR OD 2032
Jamajka - priznati majčinstvo
Kenija - autobiografski roman lutke Barbie
Nigerija - biti u društvu s crncem
Singapur - siromašni pjevač
Kornjače - ne baš uspješan crkveni zbor
Majmun - moj mjesec
Kanarinac - nacist s Kanara
Pitoni - narediti Toniju da pije
Park - kk
Barun - Bosanac u trku
Rumba - apartman u Bosni
Samba - usamljeni Bosanac
Ksenofobija - strah od žene ratnice
Karambol - izopačen odnos s loptom
Tenk - kkkkkkkkkk
Trijumf - tri djevice
Trijumfirati - razdjevičiti tri djevice
Aerobik - bik koji leti
Kosti - pitati nekoga za identitet
Nekada - tuš
Tumač - čovjek sklon pretjerivanju
Tumačiti - pretjerivati
Probisvjet - ozonska rupa
Vlastiti - dlakave dojke
Parket - dvije mačke
Tamburica - upozoriti nekoga na slab sjeverni vjetar
Austrija - žena koja se čudi strijama
Košara - potraga za autorima grafita
Ideja - najaviti vlastiti dolazak
Ustanova - plastična operacija usana.
(https://www.znaksagite.com/diskusije/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.handykult.de%2Fplaudersmilies.de%2Fhappy%2Finvasion.gif&hash=a61c720d7c59bca21de924441281ece2c1d7054a)
Quote from: "SANdMAN"Alice Kapipelean :evil:
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Reshi miki maus da se razvede od mini (ovo je engleski vitz) i odu na sud
Judge> Mr. Mouse, You've stated that the reason for your divorce is that Minnie Maus is stupid. I regret to inform you that this is not sufficient cause for a divorce.
Mickey Mouse> Look your Honor, just not just stupid, she's fucking GOOFY!
Igrali se andjeli u raju i nadju salamu.
Gledaju,okrecu je a ne znaju sta je,pa odlucise se da pitaju Mariju,ipak je ona bila zena a zene su pametnije od muskaraca.
I tako odu oni kod Marije sa salamom.
Gleda Marija salamu i zakljucuje:"Da nije ovako veliko rekla bih da je sveti duh".
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar-boy.
ima li neki novi?
E'o ga novi:
Serbian tourist arrives at the Croatian border.
Immigration officer asks:"Occupation"?
The Serb: "No,no,just visit!
xrofl xrofl xrofl Добри.
Cudi me da se ovog niko, do sada, nije setio:
Brodolom. Na jednoj od nepotopljenih paluba stoje pedijatar, advokat, svecenik i mnogo dece koja vriste.
`` Decu, decu spasavajte`` - vice pedijatar ljudima koji su u spasilackim camcima.
`` Ma jebes decu !`` - uzvraca advokat gledajuci pre svega svoj interes.
Na to se svecenik naginje advokatu i tihim glasom ga pita :
`` Mislite li da imamo vremena ? ~`
xrofl
xrofl xrofl xrofl