ZNAK SAGITE — više od fantastike — edicija, časopis, knjižara...

+------------------- Bizarre 911 Calls --------------------+

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how
to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't
have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the
same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of
breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn....
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an
asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having
trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.

Quote from: "Ghoul"+------------------- Bizarre 911 Calls --------------------+

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband.

Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having
trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.

     

Some disturbing news to start out the week that will undoubtedly find it's  own pedestal to rest on in Hollywood's bizarre history of deaths...

NBC out of Los Angeles is reporting that an Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein co-writer has been murdered.

Officials found the head of scribe Robert Lees in the home of a retired doctor who was also murdered by the same suspect.

Lees was credited on Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein alongside Frederic Rinaldo and John Grant. He also penned 1941's The Black Cat (starring Basil Rathbone and Bela Lugosi), Abbott & Costello Meet the Invisible Man, and Hold That Ghost before being blacklisted in the '50s.

Although police are trying to find a motive for the double homicide they've managed to piece together the actions of the murder suspect. Apparently a white man in his '40s decapitated Lees in his home early Sunday; the suspect then carried Lees' head to a nearby residence occupied by the aforementioned doctor, broke in, murdered him too, and fled the scene.

Lees was in his '90s.

+---------------- Bizarre Church Bloopers -----------------+

[courtesy of netscape.com]

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the
choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

Our church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
entertainment, and gracious hostility.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

On a church bulletin during a minister's illness: "GOD IS
GOOD. Dr. Hargreaves is better."

Announcement in a church bulletin for a national prayer and
fasting conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and
Prayer conference includes meals."

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication
to follow.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for
testes.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presby-
terian Church. Please use the large double door at the side
entrance.

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8
p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill
Christ the King.

Barbara's in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and
requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get
rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Don't forget your husbands."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone
who doesn't care much about you.

***

RICHMOND, Va. - Virginia residents will soon be noticing new
billboards going up around town with messages aimed at men
to dissuade them from having sex with underage girls.
Billboards, posters, and even coasters and napkins in bars,
restaurants, and stores will carry the gentle reminder
"Isn't she a little young?" or "Sex with a minor, don't go
there." This new campaign is designed to reduce the number
of young girls who have children with older men. In Virginia
in 1999 and 2000, men over 18 were responsible for 219
births involving girls ages 13 and 14, the Virginia Depart-
ment of Health said. "We encourage adult men to talk to
their peers and discourage them from pursuing teenagers.
What they are doing is unhealthy and against the law," said
Robert Franklin, a health department official. The messages
will be appearing in five cities.

Hehehe, to me podsjeća na ono kad su ljudi u nekom gradu počeli da ostavljaju u svojim autima natpise tipa "Gospodine lopove, molim vas nemojte da ukradete ovaj auto, to mi je jedini..." etc. Poslije su tvrdili da je stopa kriminala opala za nekih 50 posto, ako se ne varam  

----------- She Bit Off More Than She Could Chew -----------

ST PAUL, Minn. - A dreamy goodnight kiss quickly turned into
a nightmare for one man when his girlfriend bit off part of
his tongue. During their make-out session, the 43-year-old
woman freaked out when her boyfriend grabbed her too tightly
and said her reflex was to bite down. "I guess I bit down
too hard," the woman told officers. The couple walked to a
nearby restaurant where they called police; the man was
later treated at a hospital. Officers searched the woman's
home for the tongue, but couldn't find it. The woman, who
had been drinking with her boyfriend, apparently doesn't
remember what happened to the end of his tongue - but she
thinks she might have swallowed it. Police estimate that the
tongue measured about 1.5 inches. The woman was arrested and
could be charged.

Irish heart-throb Colin Farrell's first full frontal movie scene has been cut by worried film bosses - after test audiences were transfixed by the size of his manhood. The Phone Booth hunk disrobed for scenes in upcoming drama A Home at the End of the World, but after seeing the stunned reaction of viewers at a recent screening, chiefs decided to chop the naughty images. And the news has been greeted with fury by self-confessed Romeo Farrell, who has demanded the scenes must be included in the DVD release of the film. A source tells British newspaper the Sun, "All you could hear were gasps when Colin appeared in his full frontal pose. The women were over-excited and the men looked really uncomfortable. It was such a sight it made it difficult to concentrate on the plot, so the decision was made to get rid of it." Even director Michael Mayer admits, "It was distracting." In the film, Farrell plays a bisexual man caught in a love triangle.

TOKYO - At this school, tuition money apparently isn't
enough - they want your blood. After an unfortunate 17-year-
old boy dozed off during class, his teacher took him to the
school's staff room and forced him to cut his finger with a
box-cutter and write an apology with his own blood. The
student did as he was told while other teachers in the staff
room somehow did not notice what was happening. The teacher
must have found his conscience later because he went to
school principal Hiroaki Dan to confess what he had done.
After the teacher apologized to the boy and his parents, the
boy returned to school and neither he nor his parents
requested a different teacher.

+-------------- Bizarre Country Song Titles ---------------+

Do You Love As Good As You Look?

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Good-
bye

Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me

I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John
Was Breaking My Heart

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft

They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From
Breakin' Out

You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too

You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life

You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

***


------------ It's Snot Something I Want To Buy -------------

LONDON - Here's a hobby for you. A London artist has spent
two years collecting mucus from his nose to develop a ball
of snot that he has displayed at four separate art exhibi-
tions. James Robert Ford's "Bogey Ball" is currently
resting in a glass case on a shelf in his apartment, but he
is ready to part with his prized possession. Ford is seeking
an art collector to buy it from him - to the tune of about
$20,000. He explains the cost is so high because each booger
is a part of his body and it is not possible for anyone to
replicate. In Ford's words, "It's a physical record of all
the different places I have been and people I've met." If
you break it down, the cost is about $18 per piece of mucus.
Ford has found parting with his mucus ball is a little
bittersweet. "It will be hard to let go, but at the same time
it's hard not to have any money," he says.


--------- One Person's Pain Is This Bar's Treasure ---------

NANJING - If you're feeling blue because your heart has just
been broken, a bar in China is waiting for you to come and
cry into your beer. Tissues and menthol drops are offered at
this bar in Nanjing as well as onions and red peppers for
those who need a little help getting the tears to flow. The
bar tenders play depressing music, and if you're feeling
really angry and upset, you can vent your frustrations by
throwing around or beating up one of the available dolls. It
costs customers three euros an hour, plus the price of
drinks, to weep to their hearts content. The bar has been a
hit so far and is drawing crowds of depressed drinkers every
day, the Jinling Evening News reported.


+-------------------- Bizarre Factoids --------------------+

"Wanted: Young, skinny, wiry fellows not over 18. Must be
excellent riders, willing to risk death daily. Orphans
preferred. Wages are $25.00 a week." This is a mid 1800's
help wanted sign for the Pony Express.

In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting
on when patients would die.

In 1980 the yellow pages listed a funeral Home under "frozen
foods".

It would take half the people in the United States between
the ages of 18 and 45 to run the nation's telephone system
if it were not computerized.

In 1944, Fidel Castro was voted Cuba's best schoolboy athlete.
A lefthanded pitcher, Castro was later given a tryout by the
Washington Senators but was turned down by the baseball club.

There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee. Of
these, only 26 have been tested, and half caused cancer in
rats.



MOSCOW - A Moscow man is facing a long legal battle to dis-
prove his blind ex-wife's declaration that he is dead. Oleg
Lunkov, 42, learned from the government he died in the Feb.
6 Moscow subway bombing when he applied to renew his pass-
port. He was told his ex-wife, Alla Timofeyeva had reported
him to police as missing after the bombing that killed 38
people. The woman is legally blind, and sent her mother to
identify the remains. "My mother-in-law said, 'I recognize
some of the clothes, but I can't be positive they are his,'"
Lunkov said. He said he is confused as to why his ex-wife --
who is a lawyer -- would assume he was in the subway since
he is a taxi driver and hasn't ridden the city's Metro
system for years.



ANN ARBOR - A man wearing a red spandex Superman costume
attacked a group of motorists in Ann Arbor Sunday morning.
When the men parked their car to talk to some friends out-
side a home, Superman leaped out from behind some bushes
and into the vehicle. "I guess this young man jumped in the
back seat of the victim's vehicle and just started hitting
him and when the victim attempted to call using his cell
phone, (Superman) grabbed the cell phone and he stomped on
it," said Sgt. Angella Abrams, of the Ann Arbor Police
Department. When the victims got out of the car, people
from the house party came toward the car, and a large street
fight broke out. Officers spotted the costumed man in the
crowd and arrested him. "He was in costume, and it was a
pretty terrible Superman costume at that," said Mark
Majewski, who witnessed the incident. Police do not know the
motive for the attack.

Baš smo juče johnson i ja uživali uz "Get Your Buiscits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed", "They Ain't Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore", "People Who Read People Magazine" i "The Ballad of Charles Whitman".

Pokušavamo da nađemo stari klasik:

"Cum Stains on a Pillow (Where Your Sweet Head Used to Be)"

Moguće je da sam ovo već spominjao, pamćenje mi je nešto kratko u posljednje vrijeme (tj. nekih 25 godina).
Elem, igraju tako neka dvojica tipova neke igre na XBox-u, dernjaju se, cika, vriska i ostalo i njihovog cimera to toliko iznervira da uzme pištolj i opuca prema opakoj mašini. Međutim, metak se 'ladno odbije od konzolu. (Maznuto iz Sveta kompjutera).

--------- The Plane Ride Left Him Feeling Beaten -----------  

MOSCOW - All he wanted was some more wine for his girlfriend,  
but instead he got a beating from flight attendants who had  
apparently already had too much wine themselves. Artyom  
Chernopup was flying in economy class with his girlfriend  
when he asked a flight attendant for another glass of wine  
for her. "The attendants refused, claiming that they had  
already run out," Aeroflot spokeswoman Dannenberg said.  
Chernopup decided to take matters into his own hands and  
wandered back to the galley to pour the wine himself. This  
is when three male attendants began beating him. When the  
flight landed, Chernopup had a black eye and was taken away  
for medical attention. Doctors also checked the attendants  
and determined there were "clear signs of inebriation."  
Chernopup has since filed assualt charges against the  
drunken flight attendants.  

APPLETON, Wis. - A man in a wheelchair got a little too  
close to a passing train and was injured when the gas tank  
on the train engine clipped his wheelchair. The reason he  
was that close? He was busy making obscene gestures at the  
crew of the passing train. And it seems this is not an  
unusual occurrence. Leland Laird told police he sometimes  
"flips off" the trains because he is upset by their loud  
horns. Engineers and conductors even think of him as a  
regular. "He lives right near the intersection. That's his  
way of addressing the loud horns blowing," Lt. Pat  
Matuszewski said. Laird was treated at Appleton Medical  
Center for an abrasion to his left arm. Laird told officers  
he has been wheelchair-bound since 1989 when a car he was  
driving was struck by a train. You'd think that would be  
enough to keep him away from the tracks...  

OSLO, Norway - If you're trying to impress a woman, getting  
stuck stark naked probably isn't the best way to go about it.  
Emergency crews had to free a drunken Swede who got himself  
trapped under a gate with no clothes on in downtown Oslo. He  
told officers he tried to visit a woman at her apartment  
house early Monday morning. When she wouldn't let him in, he  
turned to leave, but found the gate leading to the street  
was locked. Thinking he could squeeze underneath if he took  
off his clothes, he stripped down and attempted to maneuver,  
only to get stuck for about four hours. Fire crews used a  
hydraulic lift to jack up the gate and free the man. The man  
said that at least the object of his affections was a real  
stunner. Well, then I guess that makes it worth all the  
trouble...  

BURLINGAME, Calif. - Application for a U.S. patent has been  
filed by a California man for his system that allows the  
dead to speak from their tombs, New Scientist reported  
Thursday. Robert Barrows of Burlingame has devised a hollow  
headstone fitted with a flat LCD touch screen. It also  
houses a computer with a hard disc or microchip memory that  
allows the deceased to speak from the grave through a video  
message. The tombstone would draw its electricity from the  
cemetery's lighting system, and as a civil touch, comes with  
wireless headphones so as not to disturb others. If his  
patent is granted, Barrows says he would encourage people  
to leave a parting video with their lawyer when making out a  
will. Gary Collison, professor of American studies at  
Pennsylvania State University in Pittsburgh, thinks video  
tombstones are a natural progression from outsize monumental  
stonework. "Cemeteries are places where people try to outdo  
each other," he said. "This would certainly be a new way to  
do that."  


+------------------ Bizarre Town Names --------------------+  
 
Horneytown, North Carolina  

Whynot, North Carolina  

Hicksville, Ohio  

Knockemstiff, Ohio  

Slaughterville, Oklahoma  

Idiotville, Oregon  

Virginville, Pennsylvania  

Sweet Lips, Tennessee  

Ding Dong, Texas  

Looneyville, Texas  

Butts, Virginia  

Imalone, Wisconsin  

Toad Suck, Texas  

Intercourse, Pennsylvania  

Unalaska, Alaska  

French Lick, Indiana  




HOUSTON - Apparently, being legally insane isn't enough to  
keep you off a jury in Houston. Even though Nathan Dale  
Campbell gouged his girlfriend's eyes with a steak knife, he  
still received a jury summons and might even be able to  
serve. Campbell was first summoned to report for Harris  
County jury service Monday, but the date was then  
rescheduled to Aug. 30. He was acquitted in 1997 after a  
jury determined he was legally insane when he attacked girl-  
friend Kristen West, blinding her in one eye and permanently  
damaging sight in the other. The attack followed West's  
refusal of Campbell's marriage proposal. He said he thought  
her eyes were demons. Campbell was later released from the  
state hospital in 2003 after doctors said he was ready to  
live in the community under supervision. Jim Leitner,  
Campbell's lawyer, said his client is legally qualified to  
serve if he wants to, but that his selection was unlikely.  
Let's hope so.

----------- Shoplifters Are - I Mean At - Large ------------  

SOUTH AFRICA - Shopkeepers and supermarkets in the port city  
of Durban have been terrorized in recent months by gangs of  
oversized women shoplifters. The women target stores in the  
city's business district and will create a "commotion" to  
distract security while their partners in crime fill their  
bags with goodies. "Size is a factor in that they use it to  
intimidate the staff," Inspector Michael Read said, adding  
that the women operated in gangs of between four and 10.  
"The modus operandi is that some of them pick up a mock  
fight or cause commotion while the others fill oversized bags  
with clothes. Read also added that "several arrests have been  
made but some of these women are still at large." Did he  
really say that with a straight face?

-------- It Was A Pleasure Doing Business With You ---------  

Revenge was sweet for one bitter boyfriend who decided to  
post a video of him and his ex having sex on the internet.  
Paul Clarke printed business cards and handed them out at  
his ex-girlfriend Clara Whitehouse's 21st birthday party.  
These cards didn't have typical business information on  
them, rather, they revealed the website where viewers could  
enjoy a different type of "business" taking place.  He also  
took the liberty to deliver these cards to her neighbors and  
her workplace. By the time police were called and the site  
was taken down, it had received over 300 hits. The site also  
had nude photos of her. The couple had been dating for  
three years when Clarke discovered that Whitehouse had been  
cheating on him. He admitted to the harassment and the case  
was adjourned for reports before sentence.

+------------------- Bizarre U.S. Laws --------------------+  

Alabama:  

It is illegal to play dominoes on Sunday.  

It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter  
in church.  

Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.  


Alaska:  

In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a  
moose.  

While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for  
the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.  


Arizona:  

In Tucson, it is illegal for women to wear pants.  

In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a  
Native American.  

In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse.  

In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders.  

 
Connecticut:  

In Hartford, it is illegal to educate a dog.  
 
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.  

In New Britain, the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 m.p.h.,  
even when going to a fire.  


Delaware:  

Getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment.  

It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is  
carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.  


Illinois:  

In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in one's pajamas.  

In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the  
opera.  

According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The  
officially recognized language is "American."  

In Gurnee, it is illegal for women weighing more than 200  
pounds to ride horses in shorts.  

In Joliet, it is illegal to mispronounce the name Joliet.  


Iowa:  

State law forbids any establishment from charging admission  
to see a one-armed piano player.  

In Fort Madison, firemen are required to practice for 15  
minutes before attending a fire.  




BOSTON - Well, here's one way to get revenge on your cheat-  
ing spouse. Wayne Gethers was parked in a limo "enjoying the  
company of an unidentified female" in the backseat when his  
wife drove up in another limo the couple owns together.  
Yvesnane Gethers became enraged when she saw what was  
happening and slammed her limo into her husband's limo  
repeatedly before Wayne Gethers tried to escape. She  
followed him as he drove away and rammed him at least five  
to seven times in a pursuit that reached speeds of 40 to 50  
miles per hour. Police found Yvesnane Gethers with the  
couple's four children, ages 13, 11, 3, and 2 in the back  
seat. She was handcuffed at the scene next to the Lincoln  
Grand Marquis she was driving. According to her husband, "I  
was not having sex with no woman." As for reconciling with  
his wife, he said, "I'm afraid of her right now. I don't  
want nothing of it."

---------- Time for a Little Hands-On Education ------------  

LONDON - In order to make a biology class more stimulating,  
a teacher ordered three 15-year-old Brazilian students to  
masturbate during the lesson. According to Ananova a report  
in the La Prensa said that the instructor allegedly asked  
the students to masturbate in order to eject sperm that the  
class could study under a microscope. The students of Nossa  
Senhora do Rosario school in Campo Grande, Rio de Janeiro,  
would not give the teacher a hand during the lesson and have  
decided to sue the instructor instead. "It is a disrespect-  
ful and bizarre thing to ask a student, we are all horri-  
fied," a police spokeswoman was quoted as saying.

+----------------- More Bizarre U.S. Laws -----------------+  

Kansas:  

It is illegal for restaurants to sell cherry pie a la mode  
on Sundays.  

In Wichita, a man's mistreatment of his mother-in-law may  
not be used as grounds for divorce.  

In Wichita, it is illegal to carry a concealed bean snapper.  

In Lang, it is illegal to ride a mule down Main Street in  
August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat.  

In Natoma, it is illegal to throw a knife at anyone wearing  
a striped shirt.  


Louisiana  

In New Orleans, fire trucks are required by law to stop at  
all red lights.  

It is considered "simple assault" to bite someone in New  
Orleans; it is "aggravated assault" if the biter has false  
teeth.  

It is against the law to gargle in public.  


Maine  

In Portland, it is illegal for men to tickle women under the  
chin with feather dusters.  

The most money one can legally win gambling is three dollars.  

In Rumford, it is illegal for a tenant to bite his/her land-  
lord.  

In Waterville, it is illegal to blow one's nose in public.  
 



STOCKHOLM - Organizers of the CowParade art exhibit are  
none-too-happy that one of their fiber-glass cows has been  
kidnapped by Swedish graffiti artists. The kidnappers held  
power drills to the sculpture's head and threatened to  
"sacrifice" it unless the cows were deemed "non-art." A  
video was sent to a newspaper that showed the cow flanked  
by two masked figures holding power drills in front of a  
sign reading "Stockholm's Militant Graffiti Artists." "We  
demand that the cows are declared non-art. Otherwise the  
hostage will be sacrificed," said a voice on the video. The  
artists gave the CowParade organizers until noon on August  
23 to go along with their demand. "We are very upset about  
the whole matter," said Helena Cederberg, a spokeswoman for  
CowParade, which is described as "the world's largest public  
art event." Police are currently investigating the case of  
the missing cow.

+---------------- More Bizarre U.S. Laws  -----------------+  
 
Maryland:  

In Baltimore, it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks, no  
matter how dirty they get.  

Every person who has bowled since 1833 may be fined $2 for  
each offense.  

In Halethorpe, it is illegal to kiss for more than one  
second.  

It's illegal to mistreat oysters.  

It's illegal to play Randy Newman's "Short People" on the  
radio.  


Michigan:  

A state law stipulates that a woman's hair legally belongs to  
her husband.  

In Detroit, it is illegal to make love in a car unless it is  
parked on your property.  

In Port Huron, the speed limit for ambulances in 20 m.p.h.  

Under state law, dentists are officially classified as  
"mechanics."  


Nebraska:  

It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license.  

In Waterloo, barbers are forbidden from eating onions  
between 7am and 7pm.  

In Omaha, barbers are forbidden from shaving their customers'  
chests.  

If a child burps during a church service in Omaha, his or  
her parents may be arrested.  

It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are  
simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.  

                            ***

ovo je vise sega, nego sto je za ovu temu, ali evo:

Od uzbuđenja poružičastio

Jedan albino aligator toliko se uzbudio zbog preseljenja u Iowu na izložbu albino životinja, da se njegovom albinizmu zameo svaki trag. Uzbuđena dva i pol metarska životinja prošlog je četvrtka posve poružičastila.


"Ovakva reakcija na novi okoliš nije neobična za albino aligatore", kazao je direktor Blank Park Zoo-a u Iowi, David Allen.

Ružičasti aligator postao je prava atrakcija među djecom, koja ga redovito obilaze svakog petka, a dobio je i prigodni nadimak – Pinkie.

Pinkijeva ružičasta boja tijela do petka je pomalo izblijedila, izvjestile su glavešine zoo-a, no njuška mu je još uvijek zadržala stari ružičasti sjaj, a potpuni Pinkijev oporavak očekuje se već ovoga tjedna.

Na ovoj zanimljivoj izložbi će se još moći vidjeti i albino piton, som, daždevnjak, kao i bijela deva.

----------- The Funeral Was A Real Train Wreck -------------  

TORONTO - Imagine the surprise of mourners attending the  
wake of a man hit by a train when the "victim" strolled in,  
alive and well. Dane Squires' sister had identified him as  
the man struck by a train last Friday night and family and  
friends had gathered to remember their loved one. The  
mourners had just returned to Squires' sister's home after  
the funeral, when the man himself walked through the door.  
The cremation of the "body" has been put on hold now that  
police have to start all over again trying to identify the  
corpse. "This is ... an extremely rare occurrence," the  
coroner said. Well, I would hope so.

------------------ Smells Like Victory ---------------------  

LOS ANGELES - Psychic dogs belonging to actor Sylvester  
Stallone's mother have projected President George Bush the  
winner in November. Yes, that's right, the canines foresee  
the president will beat Democratic challenger John Kerry by  
15 percent. It seems that Jackie Stallone's dogs channel  
messages from the spirit world and send them to her tele-  
pathically. She said her animals also predict California  
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger will take advantage of a future  
constitutional amendment allowing foreign-born U.S. citizens  
to serve as president, and take on Kerry's running mate,  
John Edwards, in the presidential campaign of 2008. However,  
the dogs can't tell yet who will win that race. Apparently,  
the psychic pups also called Schwarzenegger's victory -- "by  
a major margin" -- in California's recall election last year.  



--------------- I Hope That's Not Homework -----------------  

DALLAS - A teacher has taken leave from Gabe P. Allen  
Elementary School after sending a first-grade student home  
with his feces in his backpack after he had an accident in  
class. The teacher was so upset when the student soiled  
the classroom floor that she wrapped up the 6-year-old's  
mess and sent it home with a note.  Dallas school district  
spokesman Donald Claxton said, "It generally appears the  
teacher was trying to help raise awareness with the family.  
It's just an unfortunate incident. Unfortunately, she took  
this course of action." I guess his parents won't be hang-  
ing this creation on the fridge.

+------------ Bizarre Church Bulletin Messages -------------+  

The following are actual announcements taken from church  
bulletins:  

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and  
north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both  
ends.  

Tuesday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All  
ladies giving milk, please come early.  

Wednesday the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Johnson  
will sing, "Put Me In My Little Bed," accompanied by the  
pastor.  

Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little  
Mothers Club. All those wishing to become little mothers,  
please meet the minister in his study.  

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come  
forward and lay an egg on the altar.  

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of  
the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congrega-  
tion will join in.  

On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the  
expense of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something  
on the new carpet, come forward and get a piece of paper.  

A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church  
basement. Music will follow.  

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the  
birth of David Alan Belser, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius  
Belser.  

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and  
community.

BURLINGTON, Iowa - A psychiatrist wasn't pleased with  
having to pay for a parking ticket. According to police,  
Ronald Preston McPike, was so upset about the fine that he  
smeared excrement on the money that he used to pay for his  
ticket.  He was charged with harassment of a public official  
and plead not guilty.  Police say that they received an  
envelope labeled "Foreign brown substance on bills" and  
contained his ticket.  McPike claims the money fell in a  
toilet and was retrieved to pay the ticket. If convicted,  
McPike could face approximately 30 days of jail time and a  
$500 fine.  


KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia -- This man apparently doesn't under-  
stand the phrase "'Til Death Do Us Part." Kamaruddin Mohammed,  
72, has just tied the knot for the 53rd time, remarrying the  
very first woman he wed. "I am not a playboy. I just love  
seeing beautiful women," said the groom. In between marrying  
Khadijah Udin, in 1957 and again on Monday, he married 51  
times. He was married to a Thai woman the longest, for 20  
years. His shortest marriage lasted two days. Kamaruddin  
insists that he is a one-woman man. "I don't like flings. I  
also don't believe in marrying more than one woman at a time,"  
he said.

 In Halethorpe, it is illegal to kiss for more than one
second.
ovo je zaista uvrnuto  

BILLINGS, Mont. - Raising children is a tough job, but some  
parents don't make it any easier.  Jessica Durham is accused  
of allowing her 18-month-old daughter to smoke marijuana to  
help her with eating and sleeping habits. Durham pleaded  
innocent in U.S. District Court. Things look bad for her  
thanks to court documents containing photos, taken by the  
defendant's friend, showing the toddler smoking a bong pipe.  
Durham's friend testified that she let her smoke marijuana  
because she was having trouble sleeping and wasn't eating.  
Hey, my mother would have taken me to the doctor, but that's  
just how my family does things.

----- Harry Potter and the Accusations of Witchcraft -------  

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa - A South African teenager has  
refused to answer a school test question about a Harry  
Potter book, as he claims the series promotes witchcraft,  
The Sun reported. John Smit, 18, appealed to his teachers in  
Johannesburg, asking he be given a substitute question, as  
the one he found offensive was worth 30 percent of the  
paper's marks. He has the support of his mother in opposing  
the magical, bespectacled and best-selling creation of  
author JK Rowling. "The Bible is against witchcraft," was  
all she would tell reporters. Smit even sparked some  
political backing in his protest, including African  
Christian Democrat member of parliament Cheryllyn Dudley,  
who said "I've read Harry Potter books -- they are witch-  
craft manuals."

Quote from: "Ghoul"----- Harry Potter and the Accusations of Witchcraft -------  

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa - A South African teenager has  
refused to answer a school test question about a Harry  
Potter book, as he claims the series promotes witchcraft,  
The Sun reported. John Smit, 18, appealed to his teachers in  
Johannesburg, asking he be given a substitute question, as  
the one he found offensive was worth 30 percent of the  
paper's marks. He has the support of his mother in opposing  
the magical, bespectacled and best-selling creation of  
author JK Rowling. "The Bible is against witchcraft," was  
all she would tell reporters. Smit even sparked some  
political backing in his protest, including African  
Christian Democrat member of parliament Cheryllyn Dudley,  
who said "I've read Harry Potter books -- they are witch-  
craft manuals."

Pa Hari poter i jeste promocija vesticarenja. Sad sto je upakovano u deciju knjigu to je druga stvar (najlakse je decu indoktrinirati). Cak mi se cini i da u knjigama nase dece postoje takve budalastine (u citanci ili slicno).

+-------------- Bizarre Facts About America  --------------+  
 
Need something new to bet on? Head out to Deming, New Mexico  
for its annual duck races.  

Okmulgee, Oklahoma still holds the world record for the  
biggest ice cream and cookie party.  

Here's a stretch for tourism in Berkley Springs, West  
Virginia: "George Washington bathed here."  

If you like Idaho potatoes, think about visiting Shelley,  
Idaho, home of the "Idaho Annual Spud Day."  

Chittenago, New York, is home to the annual "Munchkin's  
parade."  

Arizona's official state neckwear is the Bola tie.  

Maine produces 90 percent of the country's toothpick supply.  

Every year on September 10, the people in Fruita, Colorado  
celebrate "Mike the Headless Chicken Day" in honor of a  
chicken that lived four years after it was beheaded.  

In Wyoming, you need a license to take a picture of a rabbit  
during January, February, March, or April.  

Texas has an official state shell. It's the Lightning Whelk.  

The International Checkers Hall of Fame is in Petal,  
Mississippi.  

                            ***  


--------- Voting Not Too Much Labor For One Woman ----------  

HARRISBURG, Pa. - Voting for a new president is a serious  
matter, and some people are so determined to vote that  
nothing will stand in their way. Dr. Andrea Shaer wanted to  
cast her vote during Tuesday's election so badly even  
though she went into labor with her third child. Upon  
arriving at her polling station, she saw more than 100  
voters were lined up at Penn State Milton S. Hershey Medical  
Center.  So, she left, gave birth and returned 30 minutes  
prior to the poll's closing.  "Knowing how close the race  
is in Pennsylvania and being a mom, with all the issues  
there, I just had to try" to vote, Shaer said.  She even  
voted while hooked up to an intravenous drip. Now that's  
determination.  

---------- Christian Throws Himself to the Lions -----------  

TAIPEI, Taiwan - Here's one incredibly lucky, but incredibly  
stupid man. A 46-year-old religiously devout man jumped into  
the lion's den at the Taipei Zoo in an attempt to convert  
the lions to Christianity. I'm not making this up, folks. He  
apparently leaped into the den of African lions and shouted  
"Jesus will save you!" He also commanded them to "come bite  
me," which one of the male lions eagerly did. A video showed  
the lion tearing a jacket off the man, clawing him and  
biting him in the leg. Zoo workers drove the lion off using  
water hoses and tranquilizer guns. If the lions hadn't been  
fed earlier in the day, the man might have suffered a much  
worse fate.  [ovo je bilo i na BLIC.CO.YU pre neki dan]






Music mogul P Diddy is making a bid to be the first  
black James Bond. The rapper, who also runs his own record  
label and clothing range, modestly believes he is perfect  
for the 007 role.  

The man formerly known as Puff Daddy said: 'The world is  
ready for a black James Bond.' Producers behind the James  
Bond franchise are said to be undecided who will step into  
the role vacated by Pierce Brosnan.  

I think it's possible to install P. Daddy as 007, but there  
will have to be a few changes in the James Bond world in  
order to accommodate him. For example...  

Ms. Moneypenny will now be referred to as 'bitch.'  

Bond will trade in his Walther PPK for a 'gat.'  

The trademark 'Dum da-da-da dum' Bond theme music will be  
replaced with "It's All About the Benjamins."  

And finally, Bond will no longer work alone but will conduct  
his espionage in the company of his posse.  

On second thought, I think a J. Bonddy just might work.

Quote from: "milant"
Pa Hari poter i jeste promocija vesticarenja. Sad sto je upakovano u deciju knjigu to je druga stvar (najlakse je decu indoktrinirati). Cak mi se cini i da u knjigama nase dece postoje takve budalastine (u citanci ili slicno).

Bolje veštičarenje nego monoteizam.

+---------------- Bizarre Celebrity Quotes -----------------+  

"My boyfriend calls me 'Princess,' but I think of myself  
more along the lines of 'monkey' and 'retarded.'"  
-Alicia Silverstone  

"I didn't even know my bra size until I made a movie."  
-Angelina Jolie  

"My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think  
about it, I just have it."  
-Arnold Schwarzenegger  

"This time I'm going to be the bride. She got me these pink  
panties with a big bow on them."  
-Billy Bob Thornton  

"I would rather have a cup of tea than sex."  
-Boy George  

"I'm on the Zoloft to keep from killing y'all."  
-Mike Tyson  

"I pick my nose and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If there's  
a bogey then just pick it, man."  
-Justin Timberlake  

"Wal-mart...do they like make walls there?"  
-Paris Hilton  

"I've been noticing gravity since I was very young."  
-Cameron Diaz  

"My child was not only carried by me, but by the universe."  
-Celine Dion  

"I'm like a monk with a taste for hookers."  
-Moby  

"I won't get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day."  
-Linda Evangelista  

"I think the longer I look good, the better gay men feel."  
-Cher  

"I believe all drunks go to heaven, because they've been put  
through hell on Earth."  
-Liza Minnelli  

"I would like to see the Pope wearing my T-shirt."  
-Madonna  

"I'm thinking about naming my first son Emmy so I can say  
I've got one."  
-Noah Wyle  

SAN FRANCISCO, - A California man who got drunk, stole a  
fire truck and got it stuck in the mud then did the next  
obvious thing: call for a tow truck. But instead of a tow  
truck, Claud Gipson-Reynolds got highway patrol troopers,  
who did the next obvious thing: lock him up. The 36-year-old  
Santa Rosa resident had been fighting with his wife when he  
went on a binge and got his car stuck in the mud Friday  
night. He broke into a nearby volunteer fire station and  
drove one of its trucks through the garage door and over to  
his vehicle so he could pull it out of the mud. But then he  
got that stuck, too. "I could probably get on that show,  
'World's Dumbest Criminals,'" Gipson-Reynolds said Saturday  
after bailing out of jail on charges of vehicle theft and  
drunken driving.

The Bible declares that things of the spirit are spiritually discerned, and this young man makes this point very clear. While we can all wax lyrical about JK Rowling's contribution in getting children to start reading, the key issue is "What are they reading?"

As a Christian I would not want my child to be fed witchcraft disguised as literature.

Witchcraft is a spiritual matter and the sooner we expose Rowling's agenda in this matter, the better. This goes to the core of how Christian parents need to respond to such matters.
The permissiveness that has infiltrated many Christian families, who have surrendered the right to raise their children to the "syllabus" and school teachers, is a major source of concern.

Young people experimenting with drugs, witchcraft, homosexuality and Satanism is not only as a result of the influence of society, but the failure of parents to take their biblical responsibility. The Star's assertion that the bad guys in the Potter books come off worst does not hold water.

There are no good morals about witchcraft. It is simply witchcraft, witches and wizards. Society is being desensitised and fed dangerous spirituality through TV programmes like Sabrina and Charmed on SABC.

It's time we learnt something and took a stand!

Pastor Gugulethu Maqetuka
Booysens, Johannesburg

Quote from: "Melita"

Quote from: "milant"
Pa Hari poter i jeste promocija vesticarenja. Sad sto je upakovano u deciju knjigu to je druga stvar (najlakse je decu indoktrinirati). Cak mi se cini i da u knjigama nase dece postoje takve budalastine (u citanci ili slicno).

Bolje veštičarenje nego monoteizam.

Lažeš, Melita!

I dalje mi nije jasno zašto se svi bune protiv Herija Potera a niko ne spominje Gospodara prstenova (?). K'o da je JK Rowling izmislila čarobnjake i vještice...

----------- Chainsaw Massacre: Australian Style ------------  

INGLEWOOD, S. Queensland - We are all guilty of over-  
reacting from time to time. Now, here's a story about our  
king.  Two friends were driving along a property fence line  
around 2 a.m. when they were attacked by a man with a  
chainsaw.  The attacker happened to be the passenger's  
neighbor who was upset the car was on his property.  
According to police, he allegedly ran towards the car with  
the chainsaw and cut through the passenger door. The 35-  
year-old victim was airlifted to a Brisbane hospital to  
treat severe stomach wounds.  The attacker was apprehended  
and charged with grievous bodily harm, unlawful wounding  
and willful damage. Leatherface could not be reached for  
comment.

Quote from: "Invisible_Man"I dalje mi nije jasno zašto se svi bune protiv Herija Potera a niko ne spominje Gospodara prstenova (?). K'o da je JK Rowling izmislila čarobnjake i vještice...

Pa zato sto je Gospodar fantazija, i nema je u lektiri ili citanci.
A Hari Poter ide u skolu za vestice (u kojoj se slavi Bozic!!!), i uci da madjija, a sem toga, ako se dobro secam nalazi se u nekoj citanci za osnovnu skolu.....pogotovu sad kad svi mogu da prave knjige za skolu i da ubacuju kojekakve budalastine.

kad god se pomenu vestice i vesticarenje, mene asocijacija prvenstveno odvede u decje slikovnice pune nosatih babuskara sto kuvaju magijske specijalitete, goje decu po kavezima, jasu na metli i tako to...pa se nasmejem.

a onda asocijacija skrene na inkviziciju i lomace. pa se ne smejem uopste.

razlika je sto u ono prvo veruju deca do negde cetvrte, pete godine.
u ovo drugo veruju jedino odrasli ljudi.

+--------------------- Bizarre Signs ----------------------+  

[Actual signs spotted around the world]  

A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago:  
Do not activate with wet hands.  

At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone  
in a glass container.  

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.  

At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?  

At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to  
young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the  
machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the  
machinist.  

Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the  
road and stop reading these signs.  

In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.  
Socks can eat any place they want.  

In a cleaner's window: Anyone leaving their garments here  
for more than 30 days will be disposed of.  

In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove  
all your clothes when the light goes out.  

In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night  
but Sunday.  

In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.  

In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses  
rude ought to see the manager.  

In an office: After the tea break, staff should empty the  
teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.  

On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all  
by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft.  
Please use side entrance)

------------ Breast Milk is Going to the Dogs --------------  

WELLINGTON - A New Zealand woman has decided the best way  
to ensure that her pet puppy will protect her baby daughter  
is to breastfeed it. I'm not sure I follow the logic, but  
Kura Tumanako says, "I wanted to raise it (the pup) with my  
baby. I wanted to bring it up with a baby. It will protect  
her as they grow up." Since her baby stopped taking the milk,  
Tumanako has been breastfeeding the Staffordshire bull  
terrier pup because she "didn't want to waste it (the milk)."  
She has fed the dog twice a day for the past week but hopes  
to wean it off in about six weeks' time. "He drinks more  
than the baby. It doesn't hurt, but it's a little bit tick-  
lish."

+---- More Mistakes From New English Language Students  ----+  
 
[These were such a hit that I thought I'd include a few  
more!]  
 
"In some countries, you should only drink the water that a  
tourist already drank. Maybe it will taste bad, but it will  
not have poison."  

"My father is a highly rank government official."  

"This morning, I was walking outside, when suddenly a big  
shower fell on me!"  

"We won two gold medals, one silver, and four blonds!"  

"Please execute me for being late."  

"I never liked mushrooms, but now they are starting to grow  
in me."  

"Such behavior will result in immediately being exploded  
from the university."  

"The groom was wearing a very nice croissant."  

"My landlord gave me a one year contraction. It will be  
over soon."  

"I can usually know when he is lying because he starts to  
breed a little faster."  

"I don't know if he will propose, but I am expecting."  

"Last night, when I ate dinner, I started joking. My friend  
hit my back very hard until I stopped. I was so lucky he  
was there!"  



-------------- An Un-bee-lievable Getaway ------------------  

SEDALIA, Mo. - A shoplifter, suspected of taking about $60  
worth of perfume, batteries, CDs and a pair of scissors  
from a local K-Mart, found himself in a tight spot. When  
security personnel followed him into the store's bathroom,  
they were surprised by approximately 100 bees. According to  
Commander John DeGonia of the Sedalia Police Department,  
"He probably started yelling 'Bees! Bees,' then created this  
big diversion and got away.  He must have walked into the  
store with them in a jar or a container." The bumblebee  
bandit is still at large.

Dakle:

Chuck Sheperds NEWS OF THE WEIRD  (odlican sajt)

Perhaps the strangest election result this year was in Orange County, Calif., where a school board seat went not to the favored establishment candidate but to an unknown, Steve Rocco, who never campaigned or even appeared in public. (He did tell a friend after the election that he would appear at the board meeting on Dec. 9.) Among the little information known about him: His candidate registration included one page of (according to the Los Angeles Times) "densely typed text cut and pasted together, and filled with rambling prose," and several years ago, he hosted a 17-episode interview series on public-access TV while wearing dark glasses.

+------------- Most Bizarre Stories of 2004  --------------+  

Here is a selection of some "offbeat" stories which offered  
an insight into human nature in 2004, courtesy of yahoo.com:  
 
ZHENGZHOU, China: A Chinese couple raised their only child  
for 13 years in the belief it was a girl, until a visit to  
the local hospital alerted them to the fact that he was  
really a boy with underdeveloped sexual organs. They did not  
realize anything was wrong until they were baffled by a  
"reaction in the lower half of his body" whenever he watched  
pretty women on TV.  
 
RATCHABURI, Thailand: A group of Thai Buddhist monks were  
arrested and defrocked after holding a spate of rowdy drug  
and alcohol parties. Villagers complained about their wild  
behavior and drug-taking at the local temple. Five of the  
saffron-robed monks tested positive for amphetamine pills  
and a sixth was blind drunk.  

COSENZA, Italy: A driverless railway engine thundered nearly  
120 miles through southern Italy at 50 miles an hour before  
staff managed to derail it. The driver had set the loco-  
motive in motion, leaned out to see if the line ahead was  
clear, then slipped and fell from his cabin. Another railway  
worker tried to jump aboard and stop it but failed and the  
train gathered speed until it was finally switched to a  
track with a long incline and it smashed through buffers at  
a disused station before finally coming to a halt.  

ZAGREB: A South African who fell in love with a Croatian  
beauty he has never even spoken to, traveled halfway round  
the world in search of the woman of his dreams. Keith van  
der Spuy saw the woman only twice, on a boat and in a night-  
club, while on vacation in the former Yugoslav republic but  
could not get her out of his head and returned to Croatia  
weeks later, with two diamonds in his pocket, to track down  
the haunting blonde -- but, sadly, to no avail.  

ALDERSHOT, England: A drunken soldier sparked a major secur-  
ity alert after leaving a regimental party dressed as an  
Arab suicide bomber. Fifteen police cars, along with dog  
handlers were called out after a passer-by spotted someone  
near an army base wearing an Arab-style robe, a turban and  
false beard, as well as orange paper, wires and candles  
stuffed into a jacket to make it look like he was carrying  
explosives. The soldier, who was drunk, was ordered to pay  
a small on-the-spot fine.  

LONDON: A number of wealthy clients of the smart London  
restaurant Zafferano clubbed together to buy one of the most  
expensive truffles in the world for 40,000 euros (53,000  
dollars), but it ended up spoiling in a refrigerator. The  
850-gram (30-ounce) delicacy from Tuscany was put on display  
at the restaurant but then the chef went on vacation after  
locking the truffle in the fridge and taking the keys with  
him. When he returned after four days, he found it had  
rotted, forcing the owner to throw the whole thing out.  

CHISINAU, Moldova: The president of first division football  
club Roso saw red when the referee awarded a penalty against  
his team, so he leaped into his jeep, drove it on to the  
pitch and tried to run the hapless official down. Mikhail  
Makayev chased the astonished referee around the ground for  
several minutes until he escaped by clambering up into the  
stands. The match was abandoned and Roso's opponents  
Poitekhnik were awarded the game 3-0.  

GUWAHATI, India: An army officer was dismissed and another  
suspended after a court martial found they splashed tomato  
ketchup on civilians to make them look like dead Assam  
separatist rebels in a bid for a gallantry medal. Colonel  
H.S. Kohli took photos of civilians posing as corpses and  
gave them to his senior officers as proof of the killings,  
but records later showed no deaths had been reported.  

PALEMBANG, Indonesia: A landmark bridge in Sumatra is in  
danger of collapse because too many men are urinating on one  
of its steel pillars. Surveyors have found that the Ampera  
bridge in Palembang has begun to lean at an angle and rocks  
slightly when traffic is heavy. The acidic fluid's corrosive  
forces could lead to the eventual collapse of the bridge.  

OSLO: Until the divorce papers dropped into her mail box, a  
22-year-old woman was unaware that she had been married to a  
complete stranger for a year. The woman's wallet was snatched  
some years ago and her identification cards were used in an  
Islamic ceremony to unite her and a Pakistani man in holy  
matrimony. She hopes to have the marriage annulled, but  
investigators have closed the case as they cannot find the  
man, believed to be operating under several different  
aliases.  

------------- Sniper Sets His Sight on Santa ---------------  

VENTURA, Calif. - No one is safe now a days, not even Santa.  
Apparently, there's a sniper on the loose and he's aiming  
for jolly old St. Nick. Ventura County authorities reported  
that someone fired five bullets into the face of a 20-foot-  
high Santa statue. The officers that responded to the call  
came across the bullet holes and recovered the empty shell  
casings. At this time no arrests have been made. The statue's  
owner had this to say, "You've got to be a pretty strange  
individual to want to shoot Santa Claus."  And stay away  
from the Easter Bunny too.  


----------------------- Oh Rats! --------------------------  

NEW YORK - You've heard the phrase "raining cats and dogs,"  
but I bet you've never heard of a "rat shower." Well, that's  
just what one Bronx woman got when her bathroom ceiling  
collapsed and released a pile of debris, dirty water and a  
half-dozen wet rats on her as she showered. According to the  
woman's lawyer, David Lesch, the rats ended up dead in the  
tub after either drowning or hitting the ground headfirst.  
The woman, who was not identified, collected a $65,000  
settlement check from the rodent shower. Now that the check  
has been cut, "she's hoping she can afford another place,"  
her lawyer said.

-------- No Presents Left This Guy Feeling Burned ----------  

FEASTERVILLE, Pa. -- Here's a guy who knows how to spread  
Christmas cheer. Steven Murray was so outraged that he  
didn't receive any presents from his family for Christmas  
that he burned down his parent's house the next morning.  
Police said Murray had committed himself to a hospital on  
Christmas Day, only to later sign himself out and walk the  
eight miles home. He told the cops that he saw flames from  
a distance, but officers said his jacket smelled like smoke  
and they found a lighter in his pocket and a gas can by the  
front door. One officer says Murray "was irritated that his  
family gave him no presents for Christmas." He has been  
charged with arson and risking a catastrophe, and was  
jailed on $1 million bail. Nobody was hurt.  


SPRINGDALE, Ark. - An Arkansas auto parts store clerk was  
surprised when the truck belonging to the customer he was  
helping crashed through a window -- with a dog at the wheel.  
Michael Henson had left his truck idling in the parking lot  
of O'Reilly Auto Parts in Springdale Sunday so he could  
show a store worker how his throttle was sticking. Moments  
later Henson and clerk Josh Hopper were shocked as they saw  
Henson's dog drive his truck straight through a plate-glass  
window. "The customer had a problem with his throttle  
sticking. He'd left the truck running -- I guess to show the  
people at O'Reilly's -- and the dog jumped over and knocked  
the truck into gear," said Sgt. Billy Turnbough of the  
Springdale Police Department. No one was injured in the  
incident.  



---- Alcohol Hasn't Killed All of His Brain Cells Yet -----  

Buckingham, Pa. - "Necessity is the mother of invention,"  
I don't know who said it, but I know who proved it.  An  
ignition interlock device was installed in a Pennsylvania  
man's car after several convictions of drunken driving.  
A driver is supposed to exhale into the device and if  
alcohol is detected the car will not start.  According to  
the police the man fooled the contraption by using an air  
compressor. His idea might have worked, but police caught  
him in a parking lot near his home. One police officer  
said the DUI devices can be tricked, it's "just a question  
of how far people are willing to go."  Well apparently...

Quote from: "Ghoul"---- Alcohol Hasn't Killed All of His Brain Cells Yet -----  

Buckingham, Pa. - "Necessity is the mother of invention,"  
I don't know who said it, but I know who proved it.  An  
ignition interlock device was installed in a Pennsylvania  
man's car after several convictions of drunken driving.  
A driver is supposed to exhale into the device and if  
alcohol is detected the car will not start.  According to  
the police the man fooled the contraption by using an air  
compressor. His idea might have worked, but police caught  
him in a parking lot near his home. One police officer  
said the DUI devices can be tricked, it's "just a question  
of how far people are willing to go."  Well apparently...

tu stvarčicu imaju i japanski busevi koje je dobio gsp. takođe imaju i speed limiter na 60km/h. šta mislite, koji je novi sport vozača? slušao sam dvojicu kako pričaju ko je uspeo najviše da nagari mašinu, i psuju te antialkoholske džike. naravno, nekeko ih zaobilaze. brzinski rekord je iznad 90, btw.

HA HA, OVAJ JE DOBAR:

-------------------- Famous Last Words ---------------------  

OVIEDO, Fla. - Talk about timing. Right after a Presbyterian  
minister uttered the words "And when I go to heaven..."  
during his sermon, he collapsed and died at the pulpit. The  
Rev. Jack Arnold, 69, was at the end of his sermon Sunday at  
Covenant Presbyterian Church when he suddenly grabbed onto  
the podium before falling to the floor. Several parishioners  
with medical backgrounds tried to revive Arnold and  
paramedics were called, but he appeared to die instantly.  
Before Arnold collapsed, he quoted Bible scholar John Wesley  
who said, "Until my work on this earth is done, I am  
immortal. But when my work for Christ is done...I go to be  
with Jesus."  


--------------- He's Really Using His Head -----------------  

OMAHA - An Omaha man is using eBay to sell the use of his  
forehead to prospective advertisers. Andrew Fischer, 20,  
said he was "leasing" his forehead to the highest bidder for  
30 days. "I'm basically going to be a billboard for 30 days,"  
he said. By Sunday, Fischer had had about 30 bidders and  
dozens of questions. As of midday Monday, the high bid was  
$10,100. "In some ways it's just a logical extension of  
what we've already been exposed to," said Jonna Holland, a  
marketing professor at the University of Nebraska at Omaha.  
"The key is to do something that pushes the envelope ...  
that someone is creative to get the consumer to notice the  
message and break through the clutter.

+-------------- Bizarre Courtroom Testimony ---------------+  
 
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?  
A: Yes.  
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?  

Q: Can you describe the individual?  
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.  
Q: Was this a male, or a female?  

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?  
A: By death.  
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?  

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead  
people?  
A: All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.  

Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?  
A: I could see his head.  
Q: And where was his head?  
A: Just above his shoulders.  

Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?  
A: It indicates intercourse.  
Q: Male sperm?  
A: That is the only kind I know.  

Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?  
A: She is my daughter.  
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?  

Q: Were you acquainted with the deceased?  
A: Yes, sir.  
Q: Before or after he died?  

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?  
A: I refuse to answer that question.  
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?  
A: I refuse to answer that question.  
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?  
A: No.  

Q: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you  
indignities?  
A: He didn't offer me nothing; he just said I could have the  
furniture.

+------------- Bizarre Bumper Sticker Quotes --------------+  
 
The fastest way to a fisherman's heart is through his fly.  

There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.  

Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.  

Where there's a will, I'm in the way.  

If this sticker is getting smaller, the light is probably  
green.  

A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.  

Before giving someone a piece of your mind be sure you have  
enough to spare!  

Blow your nose, your horn works fine.  

Condoms are easier to change than diapers!  

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we  
met.  

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.  

Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.  

Sex is a misdemeanor...the more I miss it, the meaner I  
get!  



----------- He Really Hit The Nail On The Head ------------  

BRECKENRIDGE, Colo. - A Breckenridge, Colo., construction  
worker has discovered he shot himself in the face with a  
nail gun and did not notice it for six days. Patrick Lawler  
went to his dentist's office suffering from a minor tooth-  
ache. However, when x-rays were taken, the dentist  
discovered a nail lodged just inside the front part of his  
brain, just millimeters from his right eye. The nail  
apparently entered through Lawler's upper lip when a nail  
gun misfired and hit him in the face. Lawler had thought it  
was only the gun that hit him. The dentist had Lawler taken  
immediately to Littleton Adventist Hospital. A team of  
surgeons performed a six-hour operation and successfully  
retrieved the 3 1/4 inch nail.  


SEATTLE - A Seattle man "with a strong sense of humor" has  
left the city $1 million to buy a new fountain, with just  
one small stipulation. The work must include the figure of  
at least one life-size naked man. Stu Smailes was a retired  
computer analyst who died in 2002 at the age of 69 with no  
immediate family. The will was quite specific about the  
bequest, to be used exclusively "for the purpose of design-  
ing, constructing and maintaining a fountain or fountains  
located within the city of Seattle. The fountain(s) shall  
include one or more unclothed, life-size male figure(s)  
designed in the classical style, i.e.: realistic." His  
lawyer, Tim Bradbury, said Smailes had supported arts groups  
in the past, but none of his previous gifts were on this  
scale.


---------- Why Gymnastics Should Stay in the GYM -----------  

NORTH FORT MYERS, Fla. - For 23-year-old Molly Jerman common  
sense was not too common. According to sheriff's officials,  
Jerman fell to her death while attempting a handstand on the  
railing of a second-floor balcony. During the attempted  
handstand, she suddenly overturned and fell to the hotel  
patio. A police report said that just before she fell she  
told a friend, "Watch to see what I can still do."  Police  
stated that foul play is not to be the cause of the  
incident. This just goes to show you if something seems  
like a bad idea, it probably is.

--------- Severe Measures For A Little Pleasure ---------  

MILAN - Desperate times call for desperate measures. And  
this poor guy I'm going to tell you about was without a  
doubt desperate. Police are searching for a pistol-wielding  
robber who held up a sex shop in Milan on Wednesday. The  
horny crook made his big getaway with some female leather  
bondage gear and a blow-up sex doll. The clerk at the "Night  
Shop" thinks the robber might be unhappy with the payout of  
his hold-up, which only earned him about 60 euros ($78).  
"There was just a little cash, the clerk said, "Then he  
took some stuff ... an inflatable doll and a leather outfit  
for a woman." Even though the cash he stole might not buy  
the robber happiness, the inflatable doll may do the job...  



------------------ This Guy's My Hero! ---------------------  

PRAGUE - A Czech man looking for a cheap way to get drunk  
hid in a restaurant washroom until all the employees left  
and then hooked up beer kegs directly to his mouth. Cleaning  
crews later found him drunk and passed out on the floor of  
the bar of the restaurant, the CTK news agency reported on  
Thursday. "He had broken the door of the cooling mechanism  
..and detached the hoses leading from the keg, squashed  
them in his mouth and literally filled himself up with beer,"  
CTK quoted a police official as saying. Since he caused  
8,000 crown ($340) damage to the beer cooling box, he faces  
charges of damaging property.  



----- One Way to Lower Your Libido... and Blood Supply -----  

Reno, Nev. - It's not always a good idea to take things  
into your own hands. Police received a call for help from  
a 50-year-old Reno man who said he couldn't stop bleeding  
from a self-castration operation.  Police and paramedics  
responded to the call and took the man to the Washoe Medical  
Center.  According to hospital officials, the man had  
administered a successful castration on himself thanks to  
directions he found on the Internet. The man said that  
he performed the castration in order to lower his libido.  
Lt. Ron Donnelly told the Reno Gazette-Journal that  
"The man obviously needs some sort of counseling."

MACHIAS, Maine - Faking chest pains and pretending to have a  
heart attack may not be the best ways to avoid paying the  
bill at a restaurant. Elias I. Elias, 54, will most likely  
realize this as he spends the next 90 days in jail. According  
to authorities, Elias would order a meal, eat and enjoy, and  
then fake his need for medical assistance when the check  
arrived. He would be taken to a local hospital but usually  
left before police arrived. District Attorney Paul Cavanaugh  
said the most recent incident marked the 13th time that Elias  
tried to skip paying the check. Elias' court-appointed  
attorney, Jeffrey Davidson, told the judge that the homeless  
and unemployed man just wanted to eat a restaurant meal "like  
anybody else."

   

Najpoznatiji beli crnac, uz George W. Busha verovatno omiljeni svetski negativac, juče je stigao na suđenje pod optužbom za seksualno zlostavljanje 13-ogodišnjeg dečaka Gavina Arviza na svom ranču Nedođija u Kaliforniji.
Nekoliko hiljada zaluđenih fanova okupilo se ispred zgrade suda u Santa Mariji kako bi pozdravilo kontroverznog 46-ogodišnjeg pop-stara. Jackson se popeo na krov svoje crne limuzine i mahao prisutnima, čak je u jednom trenutku i zaplesao na suncu pre nego što se sakrio iza džinovskog kišobrana.
Juče je zapravo tek otpočela selekcija članova porote koja može potrajati i čitavih mesec dana. Preko hiljadu novinara se prijavilo za akreditacije, iako samo suđenje neće biti snimano.
Jackson je u međuvremenu postavio samosažaljivu video-izjavu na svom sajtu, u kojoj tvrdi da je nevin. On je čitavu situaciju opisao kao "košmar" i izjavio kako će biti "oslobođen onda kada istina izađe na videlo": "Imam veliko poverenje u naš pravni sistem i zaslužujem fer suđenje kao svaki drugi američki građanin".
Jackson je takođe istakao kako je dečak ostao na ranču samo zbog toga što je njegova porodica tvrdila da boluje od raka i da su mu potrebni nega i radost.




Bas Cudno...