PROMETHEUS ex ALIEN PREQUEL

[zakk]

Prometej' je fenomenalan film remek delo! nema sta za raspravu i tacka 

E sad si nam sve objasnio 

[Ygg]

Prometej' je fenomenalan film remek delo! nema sta za raspravu i tacka 

Potpisujem!!! 


Usput, par sličica iz izbačenih scena i sa snimanja: http://www.prometheusforum.net/discussion/2118

[Usul]

Evo bas dodjoh sa projekcije filma. Vizuelni deo je prvoklasan, a sve ostalo je go klishe do klishea sa nabudzenim krajem za bar jos dva nastavka.

[WARLOCK]

 evo moja montaza nesto na brzinu uradio,hteo da uporedim   

[Ghoul]

Here is some funny post-neo-quasi-theory claptrap stream of consciousness anything goes whatever - in defense of PROMETHEUS. I'm ashamed to say: the author is a Serb
PS: Da, ovo je taj nesrećni Post-Continental Satyr koji se isprolivao ispod mog rivjua PROMETEJA, bacite pogled na njegove kenjaže na engleskom. U gomili koječega ima par zanimljivih uvida.
PPS: No porn there, don't worry, but there is a 'content warning' before entering!
http://parodycentrum.blogspot.nl/?zx=e3de52d862a18a13

kratak sažetak teksta: DRKADRKAĐON DRKA DRKA ĐON ĐON, DRKA DRKA ĐON DRKA ĐON DRKA ĐON.

Jor je postao Serbian Diva Zoran Ristic! ))

[Ghoul]

"queerization isn't only in the implied gay reference to the actor's physical big dick"
= ha ha, ovaj teoriteričar pobija famoznu BOBANOVU tvrdnju da pederi imaju malog đokicu...

[zakk]

al ovaj fino učitava šta mu padne na um -_-

[Milosh]

https://twitter.com/neveldinetaylor/status/211892030828318722

[pokojni Steva]

Ju ju ju ju, kakvo đubre! Brišem sa harda pod hitno.

[Usul]

evo moja montaza nesto na brzinu uradio,hteo da uporedim 

Grci su to bolje radili. Ovaj Ridlijev izgleda bas plasticno.

[Milosh]

Grci su to bolje radili. Ovaj Ridlijev izgleda bas plasticno.

Plastični Isus!

[Ghoul]

Grci su to bolje radili. Ovaj Ridlijev izgleda bas plasticno.

nije ni čudo, grci su sa bogovima bili na 'de si, jebem ti mater'!

[zakk]

i na — "you fuck my wife?"

[Usul]

Cinjenica je da bogovi nisu imali problema da se mesaju sa grcima, pa ko je sve tu koga.... ihaj

[Usul]

http://arstechnica.com/gaming/2012/06/science-gets-burned-by-prometheus

[Tex Murphy]

https://twitter.com/neveldinetaylor/status/211892030828318722

Њоњ, па ова два лејмера чак и твитују заједно, РОФЛ!!! Питам се који од њих зна да чита, а који да пише... 

[Ghoul]

https://twitter.com/neveldinetaylor/status/211892030828318722

Њоњ, па ова два лејмера чак и твитују заједно, РОФЛ!!! Питам се који од њих зна да чита, а који да пише... 

to je tzv. 'pisanje u 4 ruke', ne baš tako redak fenomen, imali smo ga čak i ovde na forumu, a i šire.

[taurus-jor]

Jor je postao Serbian Diva Zoran Ristic! ))

From now on call me Zor.   

[Джон Рейнольдс]

Matrix, Inception, Prometheus... Читам овог Сатира и као да увек исти ликови уживају у паклу испразне квази-филозофије. Додуше, она фора "ма није реч о недоследности, то није грешка, они све то намерно" је досад мени невиђена код никнејм-критичара. На Сагити није, јбг.

[Tex Murphy]

Одлични Прометхеус!

[mac]

Bolje promeni nik u Promotej 

[Tex Murphy]

Bolje promeni nik u Promotej 

Стави ово на Фејсбук, да лајкујем! 

[taurus-jor]

Zor, nekada poznat kao Jor moli Prometeja, nekada poznatog kao Harvester, da kaže nešto više o filmu Prometej, tim pre što je dotično delo od Ghoula dobilo - najbolju ocenu!

[Alex]

Gledate li vi ovakve filmove u 3D ili 2D i može li se adekvatno porediti "vizuelna lepota vizuelno lepog filma" odgledanog u 3D sa ranijim filmovima gledanim obično?

Ja još uvek ne odgledah ni jedan film u 3D (jer nemam gde), a malo je falilo da odgledam baš Prometeja u Kragujevačkom Cineplexxu, ali mi se projekcija preklapala sa koncertom na koji sam išao.

Zapravo, tek tog dana sam prvi put stavio 3D naočare i u jednoj prodavnici pogledao malo 3D TV sliku.
(Stari 3D, kakav je bio u Ajkuli 3D ne računam.)

[Lord Kufer]

Ja sam gledo Avendžerse u 3D i moram da priznam da mi se nije dopalo i mislim da ne može da se poredi s klasičnim viđenjem čitavog platna. 3D te tera da se usređuješ na detalje, čime se gubi celina platna.

Najviše me je podsetilo na one dečje kartonske cirkuse i scenografije, pa kad se rasklope korice onda se podignu kulise. U 3D filmu neki detalji ili likovi su izvučeni, ali su prilično dvodimenzionalni, a samo je njihova raspoređenost u prostoru kao neki 3D.

I, uopšte, mislim da nije dobra ideja, osim ponekad, da se gledalac uvlači na scenu.

[taurus-jor]

Gledate li vi ovakve filmove u 3D ili 2D i može li se adekvatno porediti "vizuelna lepota vizuelno lepog filma" odgledanog u 3D sa ranijim filmovima gledanim obično?

Ja još uvek ne odgledah ni jedan film u 3D (jer nemam gde), a malo je falilo da odgledam baš Prometeja u Kragujevačkom Cineplexxu, ali mi se projekcija preklapala sa koncertom na koji sam išao.

Zapravo, tek tog dana sam prvi put stavio 3D naočare i u jednoj prodavnici pogledao malo 3D TV sliku.
(Stari 3D, kakav je bio u Ajkuli 3D ne računam.)

Za mene je to titranje očnog živca. Ništa trajno. Doživljaj je najjači u prvih pola sata; posle se naviknem. 3D ili 2D u suštini je svejedno.

Razliku pravi 6D, jer ti se stolica stalno nešto mrda, uz efekte poput magle uživo i sl. Opet - može se bez svega toga.

[Tex Murphy]

Zor, nekada poznat kao Jor moli Prometeja, nekada poznatog kao Harvester, da kaže nešto više o filmu Prometej, tim pre što je dotično delo od Ghoula dobilo - najbolju ocenu!

Врло радо: Наиме, Прометеј је један одличан научнофантастични филм са чудовиштима! То може и Плискин да посвједочи, а пошто њега нема на форуму, може и Warlock!

[Ghoul]

Врло радо: Наиме, Прометеј је један одличан научнофантастични филм са чудовиштима! То може и Плискин да посвједочи, а пошто њега нема на форуму, може и Warlock!

tri spadala su prometeju dala svoj pečat, šta još reći?!

[Josephine]

Skinula snimak kamerom. Sad ću da ga odgledam na platnu, preko projektora, pa da vidim čemu frka.

[Albedo 0]

da na platnu pogledaš snimak kamerom? Double fail...

[Josephine]

Šta ću... Nemam vremena za bioskop

[Джон Рейнольдс]

Немам пара ни другара... 

[ginger toxiqo 2 gafotas]

...izvesna Kristina Artuković, pojačanje inače dosta jadnjikavog BLIC  blog tima, piše o dometima PROMETEJA ovde:

http://blog.blic.rs/851/Prometej-protiv-predatora

[taurus-jor]

...izvesna Kristina Artuković, pojačanje inače dosta jadnjikavog BLIC  blog tima, piše o dometima PROMETEJA ovde:

http://blog.blic.rs/851/Prometej-protiv-predatora

O Džindžeru, svrati kod mene na Fejsbuk (link ka mom prometejskom KUTKU ZA SPORNI TRENUTAK imaš na ovom topiku) i videćeš je u komentarima zajedno sa svojim suprugom Markom, koji je radio na Popboksu.

Inače, video sam taj blog i - khm, khm, citiraću jednog od komentatora njenog teksta: "Mašta može svašta".

To posebno mogu da kažem sad kad sam drugi put pogledao Prometeja, ovoga puta sa blokčetom u ruci. Imam novinarski živac za slepo pisanje, pa sam prošao kroz svaku scenu (da, toliko sam bio lud - baš zato što ljudi svašta pričaju).

Utisak mi je malo bolji -  Prometej je ipak dobro snimljen, ODLIČNO montiran i prođe brzo. Pojedine rupe ipak nisu rupe, odnosno postaju oprostive, ali se uz pažljivo praćenje dijaloga, ponašanja članova posade, itd, otvaraju neke nove rupe, a neke od ranije primećene se šire u provaliju. Nesuvislo i protivrečno ponašanje likova je ono što je mene otuđilo od čitave stvari. Ne mogu da saosećam sa njima. I taj problem postaje maligni tumor od trenutka kada se Elizabet Šo "porodi". Ta odlična scena je prerani klimaks filma (događa se posle sat i 15 minuta, rekao je moj sat) i sve posle toga deluje sabijeno-zbudženo, nakalemljeno, naivno, proizvoljno osmišljeno, uvredljivo po inteligenciju, banalizujuće po osnovni koncept, i fatalno po atmosferu tajanstva koja se kako-tako ipak izgradila dotle.

Poslednjih 10 minuta - od trenutka kad kapetan Janek u par sekundi od hedoniste postane veseli idealistički kamikaza, uz pevanje Stephena Stillsa, Prometej postaje potpuna katastrofa. Utter bullshit.

[scallop]

Jore, protivrečno ponašanje likova je prirodni deo filmskog zapleta. Zamisli kad bi sve u filmovima bilo logično. Ženske se nikad ne bi pele na krov ili silazile u podrum. Bar 70% dešavanja u bilo kojem filmu je glupost bez koje filmadžije ne bi znale da stignu do kraja.

[zakk]

 Kako da ne.

[mac]

Onda su glumci loše odglumili tu protivrečnost. Jer pokušaj zoologa da dodirne i mazi nepoznato biće u obliku zmije (koje se pritom propinje i širi krilca kao nekakva kobra) je u suprotnosti sa apsolutno svime. Sa zdravim razumom, biološkom praksom, profesionalizmom, ma sve... I ovo što Jor kaže, da posle operacije film pravi zaokret u smislenosti, i to sam primetio. Meni je film dobar, ali mogao je biti bolji.

[ALEKSIJE D.]

Odakle meni utisak da je Ridlija zainteresovala čisto tehnička strana, a to je da snimi 3D? Ostalo mu ama baš nije bilo bitno. Malko je žvakao Aliena, i to scenografiju, malko džarao po "duši" robota, čisto da asocira na Bled ranera i to je to.
Čiču, bre, interesovala lova. Mislite vi da je on stvarno zapamio šta je snimao sa Sigurni Viver i kako mu je to bilo bitno? Nekakva priča koja treba da ima smisao, ma idite molim vas. Još da stvara čitav univerzum započet sa Alienom? Što bi to radio? Bitna je nova tehnologija i to je skarabudžio. Ostavio svesno repove, podsećanja na Aliena (borba u kapsuli, kod Sigurni u svemiru, ovde na planeti), prikazao robotsa sa naznakom duše i strahom od smrti i za njega je to dosta. još ostavio prostora za tranšizu u kojoj će se zaboraviti kako je cela priča i počela.
Kad će da shvatite: film je katedralna i cirkuska umetnost, ko što reče rahmetli R. Munetić. I to je industrija koja treba da zaradi lovu.
Ende.

[scallop]

Mac, otkud ti u SF kad ne znaš da sanjaš? Redovno repetiram Stargate SG-1 i Atlantis i bar jedna trećina epizoda se zasniva na tome što je neko nešta pipnuo, očešao se ili se na neki drugi način "izložio". Logika postojanja zapleta počiva na grešci. Ako nema greške, nema ni zapleta, a ni filma. Druga stvar je što je zgodno pljuvati na dela u koja su uložene velike pare. Glupo je pljuvati po anonimusima, to je kao kad pljuneš na trotoar .

[taurus-jor]

Dobar scenarista, ili pisac, pametniji je og gledaoca odnosno čitaoca. On je gospodar univerzuma. Jedno je kada su protivrečnosti u kontekstu priče: lik je osmišljen kao nepouzdan, prevrtljiv, lud, i to se dosledno vidi kroz radnju, to se vidi kao deo njegovog karaktera. Drugo je kada su protivrečnosti posledica neosmišljenosti: lik je čas ovakav čas onakav jer scenarista nije dobro osmislio likove, radnju i univerzum u kojem se radnja dešava. Ili su glumci loše odglumili to što je scenarista napisao.

U Prometeju su problematični priča i scenario. Na glumu imam primedbi samo kog Glupana i Tupana.

[scallop]

Svašta, Jore. Scenarista je samo čovek, pripremljen onoliko koliko je love dobio, odnosno, koliko mu svi drugi uslovi dozvole.

[Tex Murphy]

Jore, protivrečno ponašanje likova je prirodni deo filmskog zapleta. Zamisli kad bi sve u filmovima bilo logično. Ženske se nikad ne bi pele na krov ili silazile u podrum. Bar 70% dešavanja u bilo kojem filmu je glupost bez koje filmadžije ne bi znale da stignu do kraja.

Апсолутно потписујем.

[taurus-jor]

Svašta, Jore. Scenarista je samo čovek, pripremljen onoliko koliko je love dobio, odnosno, koliko mu svi drugi uslovi dozvole.

Izvini, ali to nije nikakvo opravdanje, posebno ne u slučaju Prometeja, čiji tvorac nije najamnik već naručilac posla - Ridli Skot lično. On ih je unajmio. I on je tvorac koncepta, takođe problematičnog. Ali ni taj i takav koncept ne opravdava dramaturške postupke koji su uvredljivi po zdrav razum. Pa čak i da je scenarista dobio nalog da neke stvari ostavi za nastavak, to opet ne može da opravda onakva rešenja, gde ti u poslednjoj trećini filma saznaješ IZ DIJALOGA da su se u prve dve trećine filme dešavale stvari, izuzetno bitne za radnju, koje ti nisi video, a koje si morao da vidiš kako bi mogao da budeš emocionalno uvučen u taj strašno bitni, emotivni dijalog između oca (Vejlanda) i njegove, valjda, kćeri (Vikers). Ona je navodno pokušavala da ga spreči da bude na brodu. O daaaa, samo odakle se to vidi?

Skotovi scenaristi su bili fantastično plaćeni. Koliko se plaćaju, to imaš u mojoj knjizi o Alienu 3 - svaki od scenarista (a bilo ih je pleve) primio je od par stotina hiljada dolara do pola miliona, u zavisnosti od imena. Bilo da su isporučili sranje, bilo da su isporučili remek-delo. U slučaju Prometeja nije bilo tako dramatične situacije kao kod Aliena 3, pa da pričamo o požurivavnju, studijskom mešanju, itd. itd. Nego je bilo: pravićemo nastavak, a imamo nekoliko super scena, pa hajde stvar da skrojimo prema tome... ljudi će da progutaju ono vizuelno, a tu je i šlepanje na Aliena, pa im ostalo neće biti bitno. Ispričaćemo im da objašnjenje sledi u nastavku.

Za sve koji žele da saznaju kako se pišu scenariji, i zašto u Holivudu ima sve manje dobro ispričanih filmskih priča, neka pročitaju knjigu STORY, Roberta Mek Kija (Robert McKee). Vrlo poučno, čak i za književnike.

Što se mene tiče - kad gledam film ponašam se kao konzument. Pa tačno da ga je pravio Ridli Skot. Ako smatram da su mi on i njegovi scenaristi isporučili gomilu sranja, to ću i da napišem.

[Kunac]

PROMETHEUS

The Abridged Script

FADE IN:

EXT. EARTH (PROBABLY), MILLIONS OF YEARS AGO

A floating COFFEE TABLE arrives and drops off a 10 FOOT TALL ALBINO. He drinks some BLACK GOO that breaks down his DNA and it recombines in WATER, creating LIFE all over the PLANET. Or SOMETHING. Don't think about it TOO MUCH.

EXT. IRELAND – 2089

Archeologist team NOOMI RAPACE and LOGAN MARSHALL-GREEN discover some CAVE PAINTINGS.

NOOMI RAPACE

Wow! I can't believe it!

LOGAN MARSHALL-GREEN

You mean that we've discovered dozens of different paintings from several different civilizations with the same star pictogram?

NOOMI RAPACE

No, I can't believe you're not actually Tom Hardy. Are you guys Irish Twins or what?

INT. SPACE SHIP "PROMETHEUS" – 2093

Prometheus is on its way to SOME MOON. The ship's android butler MICHAEL FASSBENDER acts CREEPY while the crew is in HYPER SLEEP, but CHARLIZE THERON wakes up EARLY so she can start being a COLD HEARTLESS BITCH as soon as possible.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER

Oh I get it, you're an android like me, right?

CHARLIZE THERON

No, I'm human, my acting just makes me seem like a lifeless robot incapable of human emotion.

The CREW wakes up and gathers to watch a HOLOGRAPHIC POWER POINT PRESENTATION featuring BENJAMIN BUTTON. Oops, I mean GUY PEARCE in OLD MAN MAKE-UP.

OLD GUY PEARCE HOLOGRAM

By the time you see this I'll be long dead, but I wanted to remind everybody that I'm the super rich asshole who paid for all of this and I put my name on everything I own. Basically I'm the future Donald Trump. And even though Michael is an android I consider him to be the son I always wanted. You hear that, Charlize? So if I had a daughter and she's watching this she can go fuck herself. Get that, Charlize? Good.

LOGAN MARSHALL-GREEN

Soooo, we're here to look for the aliens the cave paintings were talking about, whom we call "Engineers". We think they were responsible for creating all life on Earth. Any questions? Yes, you, Irishman with the ridiculous haircut/tattoo combo?

SEAN HARRIS

If that's true and these Engineers used their DNA to seed Earth, how does that explain all the diverse races of people? Wouldn't we all be 10 foot tall albinos too? And wouldn't all the plants and animals share the same DNA as humans? And what about dinosaurs? I hope the movie explains some of this.

SCREENWRITER DAMON LINDELOF

What you need to understand is that this isn't a movie about "answers" so much as it is about "QUESTIONS"!

TWITTER USERS

And what YOU need to understand is

(gives Lindelof the finger)

NOOMI RAPACE

I am a woman of science who is also a woman of faith and this is just my way of using my sciency powers to look for God, okay?

SEAN HARRIS

Well I don't give a shit about any of that stuff, just so long as I get paid!

RAFE SPALL

Me too!

NOOMI RAPACE

I think the audience just figured out which of us is going to die first.

CHARLIZE invites NOOMI and LOGAN to her FORESHADOWING ROOM.

CHARLIZE THERON

This entire room is a lifeboat that can be detached from the ship. And it has a self-surgery machine. It's programmed for males only, but really anybody can use it, so me telling you only a man can use it is completely pointless.

The PROMETHEUS arrives at SOME MOON which is NOT LV-426 and further chips away at the AUDIENCE's hope that this film will perfectly tie into the first "ALIEN" somehow. Because IT WON'T.

The ship is flown by CAPTAIN IDRIS ELBA.

IDRIS ELBA

If there's any life out here it'll probably be days or even weeks before we find any signs of–

LOGAN MARSHALL-GREEN

Look over there! A road! And it leads to a man-made dome! Jackpot!

IDRIS ELBA

Wow, that took all of 10 seconds.

NOOMI and her team dress up in UNITARDS that are supposed to be SPACE SUITS and go to the DOME.

INT. DOME

LOGAN MARSHALL-GREEN

Hey, there's oxygen in here! Let's all take off our helmets and leave them behind!

NOOMI RAPACE

Good idea! Wait, that's a really stupid idea, but I'll do it anyway.

(pause)

We are terrible scientists.

MICHAEL activates an EXPOSITION HOLOGRAM.

NOOMI RAPACE

Look! The Engineers were running from something before they were all killed! Isn't that amazing?

MICHAEL FASSBENDER

Not as amazing as the fact we're being shown exactly what we need to see to advance the plot. What next? Are they going to leave us a video on how to operate their ships using flutes?

SCREENWRITER DAMON LINDELOF

Look, I know it seems kind of contrived, but it brings up lots and lots of interesting QUESTIONS, doesn't it?

TWITTER USERS

Fuck off, Lindelof.

The EXPOSITION HOLOGRAMS lead NOOMI's TEAM to a room filled with WEIRD METAL VASES and a big STONE FACE. They also find a DEAD ENGINEER.

NOOMI RAPACE

Yes! Proof The Engineers are real! Score! Let's take this dead one's head back to the ship so we can blow it up!

MICHAEL FASSBENDER

And while you're busy doing that I'm going to secretly steal one of these metal vases!

A STORM appears so NOOMI and her TEAM hurry back to PROMETHEUS.

INT. PROMETHEUS

NOOMI RAPACE

Hey, where's Sean Harris and Rafe Spall?

CHARLIZE THERON

They got lost inside the dome and are still there.

NOOMI RAPACE

You do realize we have a holographic map that tells us exactly where the fuck they are inside the dome at all times, right?

CHARLIZE THERON

Yes.

NOOMI RAPACE

So they didn't fall through a hole in the ground or get trapped behind a cave-in or something practical like that, we're going with "they got lost despite having a billion dollar GPS"?

CHARLIZE THERON

Yuppers.

NOOMI RAPACE

Then I guess we'll just go get them after the storm passes. Idris should monitor them over night and make sure they're okay.

IDRIS ELBA

Or I could go throw my penis inside of Charlize instead!

HE DOES. NO ONE bothers to keep in touch with SEAN and RAFE because their fellow crew members are DICKS.

INT. DOME

SEAN and RAFE camp out in the CREEPY VASE ROOM.

SEAN HARRIS

Have you noticed all of these metal vases are leaking strange Black Goo?

RAFE SPALL

Yes, and a weird creature has just emerged from it!

The creature is a VAGINA SNAKE.

RAFE SPALL

Even though I ran like a little bitch at the first sign of danger earlier, I will attempt to cuddle with this creature.

SEAN HARRIS

You're an idiot. It's going to bite the fuck out of you.

VAGINA SNAKE

He's right, Rafe. I am going to bite the fuck out of you.

RAFE SPALL

Cannot... resist... vagina... snake...

The VAGINA SNAKE bites THE FUCK out of RAFE with its VAGINA DENTATA and breaks his ARM. SEAN cuts the VAGINA SNAKE in half and gets BUKKAKED with ACID BLOOD and falls into the BLACK GOO. Then the VAGINA SNAKE orally violates SEAN and kills him.

Meanwhile...

INT. PROMETHEUS

MICHAEL secretly opens the METAL VASE he stole and extracts some BLACK GOO from it. Then he meets with LOGAN who is at the SPACE BAR getting PLASTERED.

LOGAN MARSHALL-GREEN

I can't believe we came all this way for nothing. And by nothing I mean discovering the ancient alien race that created humans. Nothing exciting about that. Woe is me. Too bad you can't understand because you're a stupid fucking robot.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER

And that's exactly why I don't feel guilty about spiking your drink with the Black Goo, you whiny prick.

LOGAN MARSHALL-GREEN

What was that?

MICHAEL FASSBENDER

Oh nothing.

LOGAN drinks the BLACK GOO and goes off to MAKE SEX with NOOMI. The next day LOGAN starts to DECOMPOSE like the 10 FOOT TALL ALBINO.

LOGAN MARSHALL-GREEN

Damn, I was really hoping to be killed off by an actual space monster with teeth instead of space AIDS. Oh well. Kill me!

NOOMI RAPACE

Wait! We can freeze you and cure you when we get back home!

CHARLIZE THERON

Or I could just cure him right now with this flamethrower!

CHARLIZE flame-broils LOGAN. NOOMI faints and wakes up in the MEDICAL LAB.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER

You're three months pregnant.

NOOMI RAPACE

The hell you say. Do you see my stomach? It's still flat and toned! Besides I'm sterile!

MICHAEL FASSBENDER

I guess the Black Goo I infected Logan with made you fertile again, somehow.

NOOMI RAPACE

What was that?

MICHAEL FASSBENDER

Oh nothing. Congratulations on your mutated alien fetus!

INNOCENT SCIENTISTS

Now we will do our jobs by putting Noomi in her cryo bed!

NOOMI RAPACE

Not if I cave in your skulls with this metal container first!

NOOMI BLUDGEONS the INNOCENT SCIENTISTS and hops inside the SELF-SURGERY MACHINE.

NOOMI RAPACE

One C-Section with fries and a Diet Coke to go!

SELF-SURGERY MACHINE

Didn't you hear Charlize? I'm programmed for men only!

NOOMI RAPACE

JUST GET IT OUT OF MEEEEEEE!!!!!!

The SELF-SURGERY MACHINE cuts NOOMI open and removes her SQUID MONSTER BABY. NOOMI ABANDONS it because she is a TERRIBLE MOTHER.

NOOMI RAPACE

I should really tell someone about that thing! Or go get a flamethrower and kill it!

(pause)

Or not. Whatever.

NOOMI stumbles into the THIRD ACT and finds OLD GUY PEARCE.

OLD GUY PEARCE

I'm still alive! Twist! I'm hoping The Engineers will grant me the secret to eternal life!

NOOMI RAPACE

But they're all dead!

MICHAEL FASSBENDER

Actually I discovered one of their ships and found an Engineer alive in stasis. Also I'm responsible for Logan's death.

NOOMI RAPACE

I'll just ignore that last part and go with you.

INNOCENT SCIENTISTS

Hey Noomi, remember us? You knocked our teeth out and gave us brain damage.

NOOMI RAPACE

I guess you're pretty upset with me.

INNOCENT SCIENTISTS

Nah, we're cool. What's a little aggravated assault amongst proper European scientists?

Meanwhile...

The BLACK GOO has turned SEAN HARRIS into a 28 DAYS LATER ZOMBIE instead of DECOMPOSING his body or turning him into a VAGINA SNAKE because the BLACK GOO is an ALL PURPOSE PLOT DEVICE and does WHATEVER THE FUCK THE MOVIE NEEDS IT TO DO. SEAN and a bunch of crew members we DON'T KNOW or CARE ABOUT are KILLED.

NOOMI meets with IDRIS.

NOOMI RAPACE

Idris, you are my black friend, so I'll need you to sacrifice yourself at some point to stop the Black Goo from getting to Earth.

IDRIS ELBA

Agreed. Clearly The Engineers used this moon as a military base.

(pause)

Wait, why would The Engineers give us the location of their bio-weapons base in those pictograms you found? That makes zero sense. I hope the movie explains this.

IDRIS hopes IN VAIN.

INT. ENGINEER SHIP

NOOMI, MICHAEL and OLD GUY PEARCE wake up THE ENGINEER, who looks like the 10 FOOT ALBINO except in SPANDEX. MICHAEL talks to him in his NATIVE LANGUAGE.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER

Hello, I am Michael-3P0, Human Cyborg relations and I really don't like the way my head is attached to the rest of my body. Is there anything you can do to fix that?

THE ENGINEER rips MICHAEL'S FUCKING HEAD OFF and beats OLD GUY PEARCE to death with it while NOOMI ESCAPES.

EXT. MOON SURFACE

THE ENGINEER starts up his ship using advanced FLUTE TECHNOLOGY. The ship rises up out of the ground and is about to go to EARTH.

NOOMI RAPACE

Idris! The Engineers want to kill all humans with the vases full of Black Goo!

IDRIS ELBA

But why? Didn't they create us? Why do they suddenly want to destroy us?

NOOMI RAPACE

I think we did something to really piss them off around 2,000 years ago!

IDRIS ELBA

Hey... didn't we get here on Christmas Day? And isn't there a lot of religious/self-sacrifice themes going on? I wonder what this could all be hinting at?

NOOMI RAPACE

No idea! Just hurry up and sacrifice yourself already!

IDRIS and his crew HAPPILY throw their hands up in the air like they're on a ROLLER COASTER and KAMIKAZE the ENGINEER SHIP, but CHARLIZE and the LIFEBOAT are ejected from PROMETHEUS before it EXPLODES.

CHARLIZE THERON

Yes! I'm safe! I'm going to make it!

But the ENGINEER SHIP falls from the sky and is about to squash CHARLIZE.

CHARLIZE THERON

Fuck! I could run sideways and avoid being crushed... or not!

(is crushed to death)

What was the point of my character again?

NOOMI reaches the LIFEBOAT.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER'S SEVERED HEAD

Hey Noomi, just giving you a heads up. The Engineer's on his way there and he said something about being a huge Rooney Mara fan!

THE ENGINEER tries to murder NOOMI.

NOOMI RAPACE

Why do you want to kill all humans so badly?!

THE ENGINEER

Because we hate prequels! And sequels! And remakes! And reboots! And especially 3D! And this movie is most of those things! You people must all be stopped!

NOOMI RAPACE

TENTACLE MONSTER BABY ATTACK!

NOOMI's MUTANT SQUID BABY has grown into a huge HENTAI TENTACLE MONSTER and attaches itself to THE ENGINEER'S FACE in a HUGGING sort of way.

NOOMI RAPACE

Oh, I see, if I had aborted it then it wouldn't have been around to save me. This has to be the most twisted fucked up Pro-Life message ever. There's no way this movie is going to match up with "Alien" now. I might as well just kill myself and get it over with.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER'S SEVERED HEAD

But we can still bridge the gap between the two movies!

NOOMI RAPACE

How?

MICHAEL FASSBENDER'S SEVERED HEAD

By introducing a third movie! There are other Engineer ships around here and I know how to pilot them!

NOOMI RAPACE

Are you shitting me? Then why didn't The Engineer just go take off in another ship instead of trying to kill me? And how could he breathe outside without an oxygen mask? The movie had damn well better explain some of this.

SCREENWRITER DAMON LINDELOF

It's not about "answers" so much as it's about–

TWITTER USERS

Go to hell, Lindelof!

SCREENWRITER DAMON LINDELOF

Enough! You want answers? Fine! I will give you fucking answers! What's the Black Goo? It's MAGIC so SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT! What was Michael's agenda? SUCK MY BALLS is what! Why did The Engineers create humans only to try and wipe them out? Because FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY! Have fun with your stupid Transformers and your PG-13 superhero movies, assholes!

NOOMI and MICHAEL'S HEAD leave in another ENGINEER SHIP to boldly go where no woman or severed android head has gone before.

Meanwhile...

INT. PROMETHEUS LIFEBOAT

THE ENGINEER's chest bursts open and a cheap KNOCKOFF XENOMORPH ALIEN slides out as one last BITCH SLAP to the FANS of the ALIEN SERIES.

END

[taurus-jor]

Šta reći osim - "lomača, lomača".

[taurus-jor]

NOOMI RAPACE

I should really tell someone about that thing! Or go get a flamethrower and kill it!

(pause)

Or not. Whatever.

NOOMI stumbles into the THIRD ACT and finds OLD GUY PEARCE.

[Ghoul]

PROMETHEUS
seciranje svakog bogovetnog minuta filma

ipak, važno je da se "ridli nije obrukao", zar ne? 

Prvi utisak je da se Scott nije obrukao... Prometej je pravi SF za odrasle. Režija je iskusna... Film je sjajno upakovam, lepo vozi od početka do kraja. Ima manjih ispadanja iz ritma i viškova, ali ništa što se u montaži nije moglo rešiti. ... Poslednja trećina filma je problematična, ali ne i potpuno razočaravajuća.

[taurus-jor]

Kao što čovek reče - prvi utisak.

I moj prvi, pozitivniji utisak, bio je uglavnom zasnovan na vizuelnom. Jer ja sam, jebi ga, vizuelac.

Onda su navalila pitanja o rupama u scenariju. I film je propao u jednu veeeeliku rupu.

[Alex]

Odakle meni utisak da je Ridlija zainteresovala čisto tehnička strana, a to je da snimi 3D? Ostalo mu ama baš nije bilo bitno. Malko je žvakao Aliena, i to scenografiju, malko džarao po "duši" robota, čisto da asocira na Bled ranera i to je to.
Čiču, bre, interesovala lova. Mislite vi da je on stvarno zapamio šta je snimao sa Sigurni Viver i kako mu je to bilo bitno? Nekakva priča koja treba da ima smisao, ma idite molim vas. Još da stvara čitav univerzum započet sa Alienom? Što bi to radio? Bitna je nova tehnologija i to je skarabudžio. Ostavio svesno repove, podsećanja na Aliena (borba u kapsuli, kod Sigurni u svemiru, ovde na planeti), prikazao robotsa sa naznakom duše i strahom od smrti i za njega je to dosta. još ostavio prostora za tranšizu u kojoj će se zaboraviti kako je cela priča i počela.
Kad će da shvatite: film je katedralna i cirkuska umetnost, ko što reče rahmetli R. Munetić. I to je industrija koja treba da zaradi lovu.
Ende.

Kako mali Perica zamišlja komercijalni film.

I književnost je "industrija koja treba da zaradi lovu", jer pisci od nje žive i čak ne moraju, izuzev sa izdavačem, da dele lovu sa više hiljada ljudi koji rade na filmu, kao scenaristi i reditelji, pa to ne znači da književnost treba izbaciti iz škola kao komercijalnu cirkusku umetnost koja decu čini pohlepnom za lovom.

[Kunac]

Kada se sve sabere i oduzme, ne mislim da je Prometej loš film. Nisam to mislio ni posle prvog, ni posle drugog gledanja. Ridli se nije obrukao kao to što čine Kronenberg ili Arđento.  Ako bih trebalo da ocenim film od 1 do 5, dao bih mu 3. Ko što je već rečeno na ovom topiku:

uz sva iživljavanja prema prometeju, takvom kakav jeste, ovo sve može još mnogo, mnogo gore! 

Problem je u tome što Prometej nije remek-delo, pa ni blizu. A svi smo očekivali/nadali se nečemu u rangu Osmog putnika i Istrebljivača. Možda je muzika mogla biti memorabilnija ili pojedini efekti uverljiviji (Pirsova maska), ali nepobitno je da je ovo ostvarenje A produkcije u svakom pogledu - osim u jednom. Scenarističkom. Što se o scenariju duže razmišlja, sve je lošiji utisak. To sam napisao već u prvom postu po odgledanom filmu, taj deo je cutovan iz dela kad me Ghoul citira. Evo nedostajućeg:

Objaktivno, na scenariju se još moglo poraditi. Tu i tamo ima opštih mesta i nekih gluposti koje bodu oči.

Scenaristički propusti su zaista kolosalni, tim pre što su očekivanja bila toliko visoka. Bilo je para i talenta, mogli su valjda da nađu nekog da otkuca kvalitetan scenario na zadatu temu.