Beware! Attack of the crappy horror flicks!

[Ghoul]

taj s karlofom je verovatno barem gledljiv, svakako ne boli kao ovi noviji, ali... još nije došao na red...

[Shozo Hirono]

Ne ne ne,nijedan ne vredi,dzaba guglovanje !  

[Shozo Hirono]

Mozda ce napokon Ghoul da napravi neki sa svojim nikom u naslovu filma !

[Ghoul]

Ne ne ne,nijedan ne vredi,dzaba guglovanje !  

šta će vam guglovanje kad imate gulovanje? zar sumnjate u moje reči?    

[Shozo Hirono]

Ne ne ne,nijedan ne vredi,dzaba guglovanje !  

šta će vam guglovanje kad imate gulovanje? zar sumnjate u moje reči?    

Ipak nema sumnje da ako ukucaju na IMDb Ghoul izbaci sve i svasta.

[Kunac]

SAW V je dosadan & sve u svemu bezvezan. Ne poseduje ništa što bi moglo da ga preporuči - ali je produkcija malo bolja u odnosu na IV.

[Truba]

ako oćete stvarno bezvezan film, pogledajte ALTERED e. sancheza, člana BLAIR WITCH dueta.
warlock i harv će da svršavaju na ovo baš zato što je film nesnosno cheezy (a trudi se da bude ozbiljan, zajedno sa nesnosno smrknutim gl. junakom, koji deluje melanholičnije nego stole aranđelović u svom najcrnjem alkoholnom stuporu!) i što je zaplet prepisan iz TREĆEG OKA, i što je akcija na nivou EVIL ALIENS (mada sa malo manje splattera), i što sve to nema nimalo smisla, i što je kraj najidiotskiji deus ex machina koga sam poslednjih godina video u nečemu što sebe smatra profesionalnim filmom.
zapravo, zbog svojih trainwreck 'kvaliteta' ovo će kempoljupci, poput gingera i kunca, ili iskreni trasholjupci, poput plisskena, verovatno overiti anyway; za opštu populaciju, ghoul kaže: zaobići!

pih...

nije tako loš.... najveća zamjerka mi je ona treba koja nema nikakvu funkciju u filmu   da je barem pokazala par

od koga je film dobro je...nismo valjda očekivali nove bliste susrete

[Tex Murphy]

Da. Nije remek-djelo, ali gledljiv je. Ni blizu ovako loš ko što ga Ghoul ocrnjuje.

[Ghoul]

warlock i harv će da svršavaju na ovo baš zato što je film nesnosno cheezy (a trudi se da bude ozbiljan

lepo sam ja reko da će vama, govnovaljima, da se dopadne!

[Tex Murphy]

warlock i harv će da svršavaju na ovo baš zato što je film nesnosno cheezy (a trudi se da bude ozbiljan

lepo sam ja reko da će vama, govnovaljima, da se dopadne!

[Milosh]

GINGERDEAD MAN 2: THE PASSION OF THE CRUST

The concept of THE GINGERDEAD MAN is basically "Chucky, but a gingerbread man instead of a doll." It takes part 2 about three minutes worth of recapping and rhyming narration to explain that in the sequel. But to be fair the goal is not so much to catch the audience up to speed as to pad it out to be longer than an hour so it seems like a real movie almost.

With an ingeniously stupid premise like this, there are a million hilarious ways to do a sequel. Instead they chose to do the old "monster attacks people making a horror movie" route already done much better in SEED OF CHUCKY. If you got the same premise for part 2 as another series had for part 5 then you should probaly do it better, right? Well, that wouldn't be the Full Moon way.

I know, I know. What do I expect out of part 2 of THE GINGERDEAD MAN? The premise is ridiculous, the first one is barely even a movie, and this is part 2. But you're forgetting, this is me you're talking to. I love this kind of shit. I know in my heart that this can and should be a hilarious movie. But the best way to do it is more serious. The humor is already there in the premise. In order to make it funny you have to swallow your pride and pretend you think you are making a serious horror movie. But they don't have the balls to do that, they gotta keep pointing out that they're in on the joke. Hey guys, hey nudge nudge remember this is all jokes, right? Ha ha we're laughing too you're not laughing at us.

They also try to pull one of those pansy maneuvers where they're supposed to be immune to criticism because the movie pre-emptively attacks anyone who would criticize it. The villain of the piece is not so much the killer cookie (who doesn't appear often enough and is no longer voiced by Gary Busey, but at least has a higher body count than in part 1) but a guy from a websight with a name similar to Bloody Disgusting. This guy doesn't like what the fictional Full Moon-like company has done with their fictional PUPPETMASTER-like series so he stalks them. The movie shows that he's really just jealous because he wants to be a screenwriter but they don't accept his unsolicited scripts. Also they show that he lives in his mom's basement (very original). You have to wonder why, if critics like this are such losers, they bother to make an entire movie rebutting them. Doesn't that make you an even bigger loser? And how exactly is it possible that the company behind a movie called THE GINGERDEAD MAN would be humorless enough to pull the same petty bitch move that M. Night Shymalan pulled in LADY IN THE WATER, or the late Michael Crichton when he named a child rapist in a book after a guy who didn't like one of his other books? God rest his soul and all that shit but seriously, grow up, fellas.

The movie does make a slightly more original point, in kind of a forced SOUTH PARK kind of way, when the douchebag director character (who I think you're supposed to like) explains that he just likes to make movies with his friends to have fun and doesn't care about making them better. It's a legitimate argument for Charles Band's career, but kind of a shitty thing to say to those of us who, you know, just paid money to rent this movie. See, we had hoped you were trying to make a good movie. Now we know, but you should've told us before. Put a sticker on it that says "product only, not made for enjoyment." Or just make the movie to show to your friends and available for free on the internet for anybody who needs to test their software to make sure it works or whatever use somebody might have for a movie that was not intended to withstand the test of somebody watching it.

The movie definitely doesn't have a high opinion of its audience. For example, they use that old joke "Scorsese must be rolling in his grave!" and then, after a pause, have to explain to the audience that when they say "Scorsese" what they mean is the director Martin Scorsese, and that in fact he is not dead and that's why it's funny to say rolling in his grave. Get it? To be fair, they might be operating under the assumption that PASSION OF THE CRUST will be a classic 100 years from now and they want people to still understand that "joke." That's possible, but I think it's more likely that they just think me and you are stupid.

There are a couple amusing self-parody moments though. The PUPPETMASTER-like puppets are not that far off from real Full Moon characters, but a little stupider - they include Nobgoblin, Shit-For-Brains, and The Haunted Dildo. The best part is David DeCoteau appearing as himself, directing a sci-fi movie where a bunch of buff dudes have to paddle an Asian gal's ass because it's the only way to remove the alien embryo. His style of directing is to read the newspaper and ask if it was in focus afterwards.


Earlier this year Charles Band came through Seattle with the Full Moon Road Show. It's a tour he's done a couple times where they show clips from Full Moon videos, auction off puppets (mostly reproductions), and try to hock their crappy DVDs. The show was semi-entertaining and worth the cost of my ticket (free). The funniest part was the uncomfortable audience interaction portion where Band kept trying to get "chicks" (as he kept calling them) to take their shirts off not realizing that the people from the club were trying to prevent that from happening in order to protect their liquor license in puritanical Seattle. Somebody bought a stunt Gingerdead Man puppet that was used in this sequel. It was one of the few things people were actually bidding on, and Band seemed bummed that it only went up to like $150 or something. I'm still kind of jealous of the dude who got it because that would be a hell of a thing to have on display in your kitchen.

But the main impression I got from that show is that Band, in an increasingly difficult home video market, has found the solution of trying to become a brand name like Troma. He definitely seemed like the douchey west coast version of Lloyd Kaufman. But the problem with being the Cracked to Troma's Mad Magazine is that the original's not all that hot in the first place. Every TOXIC AVENGER fan has learned the hard way that the vast majority of movies with the Troma name on them are not actually watchable. Just trust me, FAT GUY GOES NUTZOID is not a funny movie.

Well, if that's what he has to do to stay in business I guess I can't judge him too much, and besides, I am on the internet so I'm probaly just jealous and live in a mom's basement and what not. But it seems to me like Troma already gives us more than enough forced wacky b-movies, so I wish Full Moon could continue just being Full Moon. They were better when they were actually serious (PUPPETMASTER) or at least trying to keep a straight face (SHRUNKEN HEADS).

But of course I'll watch part 3 when it comes out, because it's about a killer gingerbread man. Charles Band wins.

[Tex Murphy]

Pa, jesi li gledao ovo? Obećava!  

[Milosh]

Nisam još, ali pogledaću ga uskoro... Mada u nastavku ne igra Gary Busey. U pripremi je i treći deo, a zove se: Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver

[Kunac]

Verovali ili ne i famozni PATHOGEN je a crappy horror film. Dobro, jeste da ga je režirala curica od 12 leta, to je svakako olakšavajuća okolnost, ali ipak... Negledljivo je. Možda ću mu dati još jednu šansu, ali početak je bas, bas doasadan. (Priznajem: prekinuli smo premijeru pre nego što sam došlo do zombi akcije...).

Trivia: Pathogen nisam gledao sam, nego okruzen crem-della-crem-om  fandoma (samo su Harv i Milos falili za potpuni ugodjaja). Ging je imao "I tood you so" izraz. Cripp je bio vidno razočaran učinkom na ZS-u često spominjane devojčice. Mislim da joj ovaj let down nece oprostiti.  

[Tex Murphy]

J***te, svakakve sam budalaštine gledao u životu, ali još uvijek nisam ozbiljno razmatrao da gledam nešto što je snimilo djetence koje nije čestito otkrilo ni vlastitu seksualnost  

[Shozo Hirono]

...a za sve postoji prvi put.

[Tex Murphy]

Možda bi ta Emili trebalo (naravno kad još malčice odraste) da počne da snima erotske filmove u kojima će da igra glavnu ulogu. Prvi bi mogao da se zove SEE EMILY PLAY    

[Shozo Hirono]

Bravo Harv,tako govor...........BRAVO !

[Baba Jaga]

Pedofili. Treba vas tuziti supu.

[Baba Jaga]

I interpolu.

[Baba Jaga]

I kagebeu.

[taurus-jor]

I Drzavnoj bezbednosti.

[Jeremija]

Lockjow: Rise of the Kulev Serpent(2008)

Lockjow je film za kaznu. Ako niste bili dobri kaznite sebe ovim filmom.
Glavni junak kao klinac krade od vodu sveštenika olovku koja ima takvu moć da kad nešto sa njom nacrtate to se i obistini. Budući da je njegov tata baš tog dana bio raspoložen da svojoj ženi prebroji kosti, glavni junak se lati ukradene olovke i crta neku zmijurinu sa sve likom svog oca među njenim zubićima. Godinama kasnije, grupa klinaca iz predgrađa kreće na kampovanje i u suludoj vožnji ''pokupi'' ženu lika sa početka priče. On se naravno onako rastrojen  ponovo lati vodu olovke i crta istu onu zmijurinu kako poždire nesavesnu omladinu. Kasnije se pokaje i zajedno sa par preživelih iz grupe klinaca pokušava da doskoči wonnabe anakondi.
Ovde ništa ne štima. Počevši od scenarija, preko glume do realizacije. Iako sam spreman da svakom low budget hororu progledam kroz prste, jer se dakako ložim na iste,  uz svu dobru volju tako nešto je sa Lockjow nemoguće. Dakle, kakav prikaz takav i film- LOŠ.

[shrike]

vodu olovka? misliš vudu olovka?

[Jeremija]

Pa ne znam kako to drugačije da nazovem s'obzirom da se sa dotičnim predmetom piše. Uostalom sve sam rekao zadnjom rečenicom: kakav prikaz takav film-loš. Dakle i prikaz je loš. Vrlo.

[Tex Murphy]

U pitanju nije olovka, nego to da li je "voda olovka" (šta god to bilo) ili "vudu olovka". Molim te da to razjasniš što prije, jer nam je to krucijalno za konačni sud o filmu  

Inače, da li u filmu ima grudi?

[Shozo Hirono]

Meni to lici na jednu od onih osvestanih vodenih olovki sa nekog molebana.

[Tex Murphy]

Pa da... ako imamo vodene bojice, zašto ne bi postojala i vodena olovka.

[Shozo Hirono]

Siguran sam da je film bezvezan, ali koliko je ustvari neuspesno pokusao da klonira Paperhouse.

[Jeremija]

U pitanju je vudu olovka, a pošto se ja nešto i ne razumem u te stvari moguće je i da je nečim poprskana

Grudi se ne vide, nažalost, iako deluje da glavna plavuša ima potencijala

[patareni]

Odgledao sam konacno Intermedio (2005) aka Dead and Dying sa Edward Furlongom, brate dno dna, jedina jeziva stvar vezana za ovaj film je Furlong koji izgleda prejebeno raspadnuto, pravi ljubitelji losih filmova uzivajte!

[Kunac]

Jadan Furlong. Šta droga napravi od čoveka.  

[patareni]

I meni ga je zao, bio je legenda, to se desi uglavnom svim glumcima koje proslave kao klince (Devon Sava, Mekoli Kalkin, Lukas Has...)

[Shozo Hirono]

Corey Haim i Corey Feldman.

[Tex Murphy]

Stiven Džefris...

[patareni]

Drugari evo jedno pitanje koje se ne tice horrora ali je isto tako uzasno:
Jel se secate wc sampiona sa muzickog tobogana
1)Zelimir i Visnja (brat i sestra u duetu, ovaj se przio na Elvisa Prislija i bio je najgori kic i sund), odem na google i ukucam njihova imena i nadjem ovo od nekog cara:
Želimir i Višnja
Brrrr...likovi zbog kojih mi se uvek javi grozan osećaj kad ih se setim.
Brat i sestra, duet u Muzickom Toboganu, jedina stvar koju godinama pokušavam da zaboravim iz Tobogana je upravo ovaj incestoidni duet,kada brat peva sestri ljubavne pesme.
2)Bajone (nekakav zubar pedofil)
To je bilo negde s pocetka zlih devedesetih

[Kastor]

2)Bajone (nekakav zubar pedofil)
To je bilo negde s pocetka zlih devedesetih

'ajde, nemoj tako, čovek je stomatolog!   Samo je želeo da pomogne deci svojim koncertima po školama, na kojima nije bilo obavezno prisustvo, ali plaćanje karte jeste. Dragi naš čika zuba!

[Milosh]

Amusement (2009)

[Kunac]

Želimir still lives:::

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKNePXkXrhk&feature=related

Pesma je prerada Kraljevog VIVA LAS VEGAS! Tekst je na serbskom i počinje sledećom rečenicom: "Kad sam bio u Vegasu ja, susreo sam grupu Krajišnika..." Ozbiljno.

A i Višnja ne odustaje:::

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26PaYgEhktk

Plava je
, isfenirana i peva "prelepu baladu" koju je komponovao njen bata.

[Kunac]

Amusement (2009)

Dobro je. Nisam skinuo. A poželeo sam. Na momenat. Da skinem. A onda sam shvatio. Nešto me je u stvarnost vratilo. Amusment nije hit. To je samo još jedan nepotreban šit.

[patareni]

Bas to,Amusement je neuspeli pokusaj da se iz jeftine ideje odradi dobar film, ma sranje!

[patareni]

Train of the Dead aka Chum thaang rot fai phii (2007)
Tajlandski film inspirisan Uve Bolom, razbojnici posle pljacke uzimaju nekog bajkera kao taoca i beze vozom, koji je naravno pun duhova. Dosadno od pocetka do kraja, glupo, prazno, glumci pre ovoga mora da su glumili u pornjavama. Ne gledajte!

[shrike]

Train of the Dead aka Chum thaang rot fai phii (2007)
Tajlandski film inspirisan Uve Bolom

kako neko može biti inspirisan Uvetom?

[Ghoul2]

ugh, ako OVOM asortimanu znalaca taj amjuzment ne valja, onda bi to vredelo proveriti – verovatno nije loše!

[Ghoul2]

glupo, prazno, glumci pre ovoga mora da su glumili u pornjavama. Ne gledajte!

nešto ovako bezvezno može da kaže samo neko ko nikada nije glumio u pornjavama!
ili barem, ko nije razmišljao o pornjavama!

to je bre najteži poso, najgorči leba – ko se tu iskali, može da ponese udarničku glumačku značku!

eno, ghoul pre neki dan na svom blogu pisao o debitantskom (sf-horor) filmu trejsi lords izvan pornjava: i ona je najbolja glumica u njemu, znatno bolja od 'kolega' koji se u porno žanru nisu iskušali.
prema tome, patarene, ne pričaj napamet!

[patareni]

Imas pravo, najeba ga Rocco Sifreddi, treba to ceniti, a za Amusement samo napred ego, juris!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shozo Hirono]

StAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, ovaj Amusement ne valja? Jebem li ga ja ga skinuh jos pre 3 dana. Pa onaj Freeza Frame mu nije bio los.

[Milosh]

Pa onaj Freeza Frame mu nije bio los.

Pa da, ali pogledaj ko je naškrabao scenario. I ovo mu je još kao prvi originalni film, ma kako da ne... Sve kliše do opšteg mesta, smejurija potpuna... Taj Jake Wade Wall je stvarno potpuni imbecil, neko na IMDB-u je pomenuo kako je pročitao scenario za When a Stranger Calls rimejk i da je to doslovce polupismeno...

[patareni]

Ovo sam napisao pa ponavljam:
Amusement *2008 (uh, i ovo cudo me je razocaralo, prvih pola sata super, ostalo sranje)
Tri cure veze ista prica, u pitanju je klinac cijim se salama nisu smejale (a ovaj je kao obozavao da cereci pacove-ha,ha) i koji ih sad proganja u tri zasebne price koje se na kraju spajaju u jednu. Prva je sa kamiondzijom (naivna i predvidljiva, al' ipak gledljivo kratka), druga je sa klovnom (ona je i najbolja), a treca je sa jezivom kucom i cudnim gramofonom (likovi reaguju kao u nekoj sestorazrednoj sapunici-cine ono sto niko ne bi nikada). A epilog filma - takvo govno da se nisu trudili ni da povuku vodu.

E a ovo su novi filmovi koje ja cekam (deluju dobro na osnovu trejlera):
Red Sands (drugi u trilogiji Alexu Tarneru, reditelju lgendarnih Dead Birdsa)
Open Graves (kao Dzumandzi, samo horror)
Plague Town (Irska + klinci mutanti)
Black Waters of Echo's Pond (opet drustvena igra + Robert Patrik)
Dying Breed (bio na horror festu, sa onim praist. tigrovima)

[Shozo Hirono]

Bolje da je Simpson sam pisao scenario.